It's just too tempting. So difficult not to keep checking my phone, especially FB and emails (which are mostly FB notifications anyway). So, I have done it - changed the settings to NO email notifications and deleted the FB app.
So many parenting books say, and it's common sense anyway, that the parent should give the child full attention while with him, even if the full attention is just to be with him, not necessarily doing anything with him. Not that I was glued to my phone.. but sneaking those 1-2 minutes here and then do add up.. The boys probably knew mummy wasn't 100% with them...
Same goes for nighttime, after the boys went to bed. I found myself checking my phone so many times.. but nighttime is the only time I can read, and there are already so many books waiting for me!
This means that I now only have about 2 hours a day (and only on weekdays!) to check FB and do things like uploading photos, AND write my blog, AND do other 'important' stuff like googling for certain things, and it's definitely time not enough! (Because Hubby uses the laptop when he's home. ie weekends are no-laptop days for me as well.) Thus I have to prioritize how to use my online time. I am in a few FB groups which are very interesting, and I would love to be able to chat there all the time, or at least read all the updates. Blogging is more important though, as it is something like a diary.. while FB groups, to be frank, is more like being kay poh :P So, FB groups gotta take a backseat.
Other than FB, I have also put my Whatsapp on mute. The group
conversations are too distracting. Once a conversation starts, the
messages keep coming. Though I might not be so tempted to check my
Whatsapp, when I heard incoming messages, I felt that I should check my
phone in case those were important SMSes.
Actually, I realise I am more even-tempered and patient with the boys when there are less distractions. I am less 'busy' and thus do not feel so stressed due to having to 'multi-task'. This also applies to activities - it's more 'peaceful' when we just spend the day at home on our usual routine. Things just get too rushed if I bring them out.. even if it's for 'fun' activities. Hubby is right on this - the boys are too young to really enjoy interesting things like the zoo or farms etc.. To them, just the nearby playground, even on a daily basis, is probably more than enough to keep them happy. That, plus routine and peaceful fun at home : )
Sunday, April 29, 2012
Sunday, April 22, 2012
The Path to Tai Tai-hood
Got to know a new friend recently and I think she's the closest to a tai-tai that I know - not working, both kids go to school from morning to afternoon, has a part-time cleaner, well-groomed.. She seems to be just a live-in helper away from being a tai-tai! I am really envious!
But when I really think about it, even if my hubby agrees to paying for the best preschools/childcare I can find for both my kids, I don't think I will be willing to be separated from them for so many hours everyday. As it is, I already can't bear to do so even for one out of two. After all, spending time with them is why I want to be a sahm.
Not to say all stay-at-home-mums need to keep their children with them the whole day. Some parents really believe that it's best for the children to go to school, and in that case, that will be the best option for them. Who's to say what's right and wrong, and who knows what is really good for the children? Though I do read a lot on parenting, I am sure my biased brain retains more information about what I prefer and want to know, and conveniently ignores/forgets what I do not wish to know :P
Furthermore, some mummies do get very stressed if they have to take care of the child(ren) single-handedly the whole day. And a stressed parent is definitely no good for the kid. Different people have different thresholds for stress and different needs for me-time (and different needs for sleep!)
BUT, the thing is, I know perfectly well I can cope perfectly well with two kids myself. I know I won't go crazy, no matter how much I like to complain :P Since I know I can manage, and my belief is young children should be with the mother, what reason do I have to send them to school??
At the same time, I do realise that couple time is important.. I know that a strong happy marriage is the basis for a strong happy family and happy children. The few hours spent away from the children while the parents go pak-tor probably brings more good than harm to the children.
I guess, the grass always seems greener on the other side.... Ideally, my hubby would encourage me to send the kids to school because he wants me to rest and because he wants to pamper me..... Then I would have the choice to say no.. (Now I also have choice lah, to continue to be a sahm or to go back to work. But going back to work is definitely out for the next few years at least, so that's not a proper choice ok.)
Or, we can hire a maid. Now we already have a part-time cleaner who comes for a few hours once a week, mostly for the heavy-duty work. But I still need to do quite a few things everyday - prepare the kids' meals, do the washing up, vacuum in the mornings, mop in the evenings, wash the sink every night, clean up the messes the boys make...
But I don't really like the idea of having an extra person staying with us.. We have three bedrooms and I want the kids to share a room anyway so there will be an extra bedroom once the kids are all out of cots.. But I want the room to be their playroom! Problem of land allocation, LOL. Move to another place just to have more bedrooms? Too far-fetched.. Quite impossible to get a place as big as our current flat on a single income.
Anyway it's still early days. Who knows whether my threshold can tahan three kids. We shall see : )
But when I really think about it, even if my hubby agrees to paying for the best preschools/childcare I can find for both my kids, I don't think I will be willing to be separated from them for so many hours everyday. As it is, I already can't bear to do so even for one out of two. After all, spending time with them is why I want to be a sahm.
Not to say all stay-at-home-mums need to keep their children with them the whole day. Some parents really believe that it's best for the children to go to school, and in that case, that will be the best option for them. Who's to say what's right and wrong, and who knows what is really good for the children? Though I do read a lot on parenting, I am sure my biased brain retains more information about what I prefer and want to know, and conveniently ignores/forgets what I do not wish to know :P
Furthermore, some mummies do get very stressed if they have to take care of the child(ren) single-handedly the whole day. And a stressed parent is definitely no good for the kid. Different people have different thresholds for stress and different needs for me-time (and different needs for sleep!)
BUT, the thing is, I know perfectly well I can cope perfectly well with two kids myself. I know I won't go crazy, no matter how much I like to complain :P Since I know I can manage, and my belief is young children should be with the mother, what reason do I have to send them to school??
At the same time, I do realise that couple time is important.. I know that a strong happy marriage is the basis for a strong happy family and happy children. The few hours spent away from the children while the parents go pak-tor probably brings more good than harm to the children.
I guess, the grass always seems greener on the other side.... Ideally, my hubby would encourage me to send the kids to school because he wants me to rest and because he wants to pamper me..... Then I would have the choice to say no.. (Now I also have choice lah, to continue to be a sahm or to go back to work. But going back to work is definitely out for the next few years at least, so that's not a proper choice ok.)
Or, we can hire a maid. Now we already have a part-time cleaner who comes for a few hours once a week, mostly for the heavy-duty work. But I still need to do quite a few things everyday - prepare the kids' meals, do the washing up, vacuum in the mornings, mop in the evenings, wash the sink every night, clean up the messes the boys make...
But I don't really like the idea of having an extra person staying with us.. We have three bedrooms and I want the kids to share a room anyway so there will be an extra bedroom once the kids are all out of cots.. But I want the room to be their playroom! Problem of land allocation, LOL. Move to another place just to have more bedrooms? Too far-fetched.. Quite impossible to get a place as big as our current flat on a single income.
Anyway it's still early days. Who knows whether my threshold can tahan three kids. We shall see : )
EMAs
I once posted this on my FB:
'The true test of a marriage is the child-rearing years.'
It's an original saying from yours truly, and I was inspired then by the numerous challenges I was facing at home. Shall not dwell on past problems though.
A post on FB got me started on this post. It's so easy for the husband to fall into an extramarital affair because there is no denying that there are many many more things for the couple to quarrel about and be unhappy about once there are children.
Big topics like discipline, caregiving arrangements.
'Small' day-to-day things like both parties doing their share of the extra work generated by kids.
Examples of extra work:
When it is a dual income family without children, there is hardly anyone at home for most of the day, so the house remains clean. But in my case, I am a sahm with two children and we spend most of our time at home, and the house just miraculously becomes dirty! Yes, even if I mop the floor after the kids go to bed, it's dirty again the next morning!
Who to bathe the kids.. feed them.. change their dirty diapers... handle their tantrums.. The list goes on. And when there is work, there is potential to argue and be displeased. I do get upset when I feel that Hubby is not doing his fair share of the work.
Before we had kids, we had free time to do whatever we wanted.. movies.. nice meals.. exercise.. romantic with each other.. Now our 'free time' is controlled by the kids' naptimes & bedtimes (though I have recently been more relaxed with their naps so that we can have more fun as a family.), and our activites are mostly things that the kids will enjoy.
Conversely, with the other woman, there are no chores (since they do not live together and do not have children)... so, no need to argue... There are no worries about the children's likes & routines.. so they can do anything they like.. romantic stuff.. relaxing stuff...
Wow.. I wish I were the other woman... LOL
'The true test of a marriage is the child-rearing years.'
It's an original saying from yours truly, and I was inspired then by the numerous challenges I was facing at home. Shall not dwell on past problems though.
A post on FB got me started on this post. It's so easy for the husband to fall into an extramarital affair because there is no denying that there are many many more things for the couple to quarrel about and be unhappy about once there are children.
Big topics like discipline, caregiving arrangements.
'Small' day-to-day things like both parties doing their share of the extra work generated by kids.
Examples of extra work:
When it is a dual income family without children, there is hardly anyone at home for most of the day, so the house remains clean. But in my case, I am a sahm with two children and we spend most of our time at home, and the house just miraculously becomes dirty! Yes, even if I mop the floor after the kids go to bed, it's dirty again the next morning!
Who to bathe the kids.. feed them.. change their dirty diapers... handle their tantrums.. The list goes on. And when there is work, there is potential to argue and be displeased. I do get upset when I feel that Hubby is not doing his fair share of the work.
Before we had kids, we had free time to do whatever we wanted.. movies.. nice meals.. exercise.. romantic with each other.. Now our 'free time' is controlled by the kids' naptimes & bedtimes (though I have recently been more relaxed with their naps so that we can have more fun as a family.), and our activites are mostly things that the kids will enjoy.
Conversely, with the other woman, there are no chores (since they do not live together and do not have children)... so, no need to argue... There are no worries about the children's likes & routines.. so they can do anything they like.. romantic stuff.. relaxing stuff...
Wow.. I wish I were the other woman... LOL
Colon Health
Inspired to read up on this after a relative went for a colon checkup last week, ie a colonoscopy. Still waiting for results of the checkup, hopefully she is fine. But 'fine' already includes having difficulties in the toilet and sometimes blood in the output. I thought.. everyone has to poo.. and it's something we do quite often... Imagine having to worry even when on the toilet.. perhaps feeling constipated but don't dare to push for fear of aggravating the condition... : /
What I have learnt after some googling:
1) The correct position for eliminating is squatting. Apparently the intestines are straight when we squat so the waste materials can come out more easily. When we sit on the toilet, a part of the intestines is curved, which means the waste might 'collect' in the curve. Yucks.
2) As I posted in a recent link, it's apparently not good to eat small meals as the food will be not bulky enough for the intestines to push it through during digestion. It's better to eat three main meals instead.
By the way, let me state a disclaimer here. I did not read up a lot a lot on the above information, just that they seem like sound advice and not too difficult to do. The medical terms I use might not be that accurate, e.g. when I say intestines, it might be the stomach instead.
So, what I have decided to do with immediate effect:
1) Increase my intake of vegetables & fruits. One serving a day seems so little, right? But I have never been a fan of vegetables since young and it was only in recent years that I started to eat a bit of greens. As for fruits, it just seemed too much trouble to wash and cut them (read: lazy). To make things worse, as I am not working and spend most of my time with the kids, I have neither time nor inclination to cook proper meals for myself. (I cook for the kids but their food is too healthy for me!) Thus my breakfast is usually 2 slices of bread with peanut butter, lunch is rice with fish tofu. (I no kid you, I have been eating fish tofu for lunch for months on days which I am at home without hubby. I like it la, but I know it's processed food and not healthy.) As for dinner, Hubby da bao food back, usually carrot cake or wanton mee or zi char (usually a meat dish and an egg dish since I don't like vegs), which are yummy and I like.. but again, not healthy. So.. where's the vegetables in my diet??Have proposed to Hubby to change the egg dish to a veg dish when he buys zi char in future and he agreed : )
2) I have bought a probiotics supplement. Took it for the first time today and shall continue diligently.
(Hubby says there is no need for such supplements as long as I eat more fruits & vegs. But..... both he and the abovementioned relative eat vegs regularly.. But they still had/have problems.... While I never ate vegs for 20+ years of my life... and I am still fine... never had much problem in the loo.. (TMI?? haha) So I conclude fruits & vegs are not that great after all. But still, good to eat more of them of course.)
Do take care of your colon!
What I have learnt after some googling:
1) The correct position for eliminating is squatting. Apparently the intestines are straight when we squat so the waste materials can come out more easily. When we sit on the toilet, a part of the intestines is curved, which means the waste might 'collect' in the curve. Yucks.
2) As I posted in a recent link, it's apparently not good to eat small meals as the food will be not bulky enough for the intestines to push it through during digestion. It's better to eat three main meals instead.
By the way, let me state a disclaimer here. I did not read up a lot a lot on the above information, just that they seem like sound advice and not too difficult to do. The medical terms I use might not be that accurate, e.g. when I say intestines, it might be the stomach instead.
So, what I have decided to do with immediate effect:
1) Increase my intake of vegetables & fruits. One serving a day seems so little, right? But I have never been a fan of vegetables since young and it was only in recent years that I started to eat a bit of greens. As for fruits, it just seemed too much trouble to wash and cut them (read: lazy). To make things worse, as I am not working and spend most of my time with the kids, I have neither time nor inclination to cook proper meals for myself. (I cook for the kids but their food is too healthy for me!) Thus my breakfast is usually 2 slices of bread with peanut butter, lunch is rice with fish tofu. (I no kid you, I have been eating fish tofu for lunch for months on days which I am at home without hubby. I like it la, but I know it's processed food and not healthy.) As for dinner, Hubby da bao food back, usually carrot cake or wanton mee or zi char (usually a meat dish and an egg dish since I don't like vegs), which are yummy and I like.. but again, not healthy. So.. where's the vegetables in my diet??Have proposed to Hubby to change the egg dish to a veg dish when he buys zi char in future and he agreed : )
2) I have bought a probiotics supplement. Took it for the first time today and shall continue diligently.
(Hubby says there is no need for such supplements as long as I eat more fruits & vegs. But..... both he and the abovementioned relative eat vegs regularly.. But they still had/have problems.... While I never ate vegs for 20+ years of my life... and I am still fine... never had much problem in the loo.. (TMI?? haha) So I conclude fruits & vegs are not that great after all. But still, good to eat more of them of course.)
Do take care of your colon!
Auntie-ism
While Jiale was having his super long nap at Vivocity yesterday, I took the time to people-watch, with my primary target being mothers. I wanted to see what it was in people's dressing/makeup etc that made the difference between an auntie and a yummy mummy. (The following are listed in order from least important to most important.)
Clothes
Didn't know that many many mummies did dress very casually! Most of the mummies I saw were in shorts/bermudas/3-quarters pants and a t-shirt/casual top. And unfortunately, no matter how glam/branded/expensive they were, shorts were shorts and t-shirts were t-shirts.. There's no way they could look yummy in such a casual get-up. As for jeans, some were able to get away with it if their jeans were hip enough (read: tight, stylish).. not the baggy loose type. The ones who really looked good were definitely more dressed up, e.g. a nice dress, a pantsuit.
Makeup
Yes, makeup is a must-have. When I was younger (early 20s), I preferred the natural look. Felt that it was more important to look good without makeup than to look good with makeup. Now, ten years on, I think makeup IS essential. I shall not deceive myself. Though heavy makeup would probably make one look more like a mama-san than yummy mummy :P I have recently purchased mascara, eyelash curler and bb cream : )
Posture
Gotta sit and stand properly. Slouching does add age to one's overall look. Need not say more.
Age
Not the chronological age, but how old/young you look. Some people just have youngish looks, while some... just look auntie.. Can't do much about it I guess, though a healthy lifestyle (diet, exercise, rest) and supplements (Imedeen??!) will probably help (better complexion is always welcome!).
And lastly... and the most important.. *drum rolls please*
WEIGHT
Yes, those whom I at first glance thought were the elder sister instead of the mother, were all slim! In fact, there was one mummy whom I observed for quite long, and even looked quite closely at her clothes etc.. and I thought she was maybe 20 years old! Slim = youngish girlish figure. Fuller/womanly figures.. well, I guess they come with some assets, but they add years to how a person looks..
So, my conclusion is, no point wasting money buying nice clothes. Frankly speaking, often after meeting someone, whether an old friend or a new acquaintance, I can't recall what they were wearing. As you can see, my list starts off with 'superficial' things like clothes & makeup, then moves on to things which are part of the person.
Anyway, it's just my own amateur observations, which I am sharing here for fun. But guess what my main personal goal will be for now?
*Now, where are my dumbbells?*
Clothes
Didn't know that many many mummies did dress very casually! Most of the mummies I saw were in shorts/bermudas/3-quarters pants and a t-shirt/casual top. And unfortunately, no matter how glam/branded/expensive they were, shorts were shorts and t-shirts were t-shirts.. There's no way they could look yummy in such a casual get-up. As for jeans, some were able to get away with it if their jeans were hip enough (read: tight, stylish).. not the baggy loose type. The ones who really looked good were definitely more dressed up, e.g. a nice dress, a pantsuit.
Makeup
Yes, makeup is a must-have. When I was younger (early 20s), I preferred the natural look. Felt that it was more important to look good without makeup than to look good with makeup. Now, ten years on, I think makeup IS essential. I shall not deceive myself. Though heavy makeup would probably make one look more like a mama-san than yummy mummy :P I have recently purchased mascara, eyelash curler and bb cream : )
Posture
Gotta sit and stand properly. Slouching does add age to one's overall look. Need not say more.
Age
Not the chronological age, but how old/young you look. Some people just have youngish looks, while some... just look auntie.. Can't do much about it I guess, though a healthy lifestyle (diet, exercise, rest) and supplements (Imedeen??!) will probably help (better complexion is always welcome!).
And lastly... and the most important.. *drum rolls please*
WEIGHT
Yes, those whom I at first glance thought were the elder sister instead of the mother, were all slim! In fact, there was one mummy whom I observed for quite long, and even looked quite closely at her clothes etc.. and I thought she was maybe 20 years old! Slim = youngish girlish figure. Fuller/womanly figures.. well, I guess they come with some assets, but they add years to how a person looks..
So, my conclusion is, no point wasting money buying nice clothes. Frankly speaking, often after meeting someone, whether an old friend or a new acquaintance, I can't recall what they were wearing. As you can see, my list starts off with 'superficial' things like clothes & makeup, then moves on to things which are part of the person.
Anyway, it's just my own amateur observations, which I am sharing here for fun. But guess what my main personal goal will be for now?
*Now, where are my dumbbells?*
Tuesday, April 17, 2012
Modern Encyclopaedia
We have a set of talking encyclopaedia from Educational Technologies - A Child's First Library of Learning (24 books covering Life, Nature, Science & Our World) and Early Learning Program (17 books covering Alphabet/Reading, Numbers/Counting, Colors/Mixing, Time, Manipulative, Visual/Observation, Thinking/Imagination, Problem-Solving, Social, Emotional).
I find it very useful as it is still quite difficult to do seat work with Jiale and my hard work to prepare materials in advance is likely to go down the drain. Probably gotta wait till he's older, or perhaps he's just not so suitable for seat work. So, how do I use the encyclopaedia?
Yesterday we went to Jurakids and there was a huge dinosaur outside. I was rather surprised to see Jiale gravitate toward the dinosaur and continue to show interest in it for quite some time. I had not read any dinosaur books to him and not talked to him about dinosaurs at all (other than Barney.. but I don't think the purple dino and this Tyrannoseurus look alike at all!). Anyway, since he showed interest, I decided to show him more about dinosaurs today.
First, I looked up the Index and found Dinosaurs has its own book. So I switched on the talking pen (called 'Walter') and flipped through the book, and at the same time showed Jiale the photos I took yesterday of the Jurakids dinosaur. I pointed out the similarities and told him they were the same thing. Since the book could 'talk', he got to hear the sounds that a dinosaur made while eating etc. (Of course, all the sounds are what the authors think dinosaurs should make la.. since none of us ever encountered a real dinosaur before :P)
After some time, Jiale took out his toy animals (no dinosaurs, guess what is on my shopping list). He lined them up and was most interested in the gorilla and tiger. So I referred to the Index again, and showed Jiale the relevant pages on gorillas and tigers.
Then he pointed to the tiger's tail. I have been mentioning the animals' tails to him quite often as I realise he often mixes up 嘴巴 (mouth) and 尾巴(tail), probably as they end in the same sound. So I looked up Tails in the Index, and showed him how animals use their tails (for balance, for attacking, etc).
Previously I also did something similar after we watched the Playtime! performance Rocky, The Baby Panda. (can't wait for the Singapore Zoological Gardens to finally let us admire the pandas at the end of the year..!!)
As you can see, I did not have to do any prep work. And we can easily change topics according to his interests. No heartache for me.. And no stress for either of us if he does not want to do the topic I choose or does not want to look at the books at all! Furthermore, we do not need a 'big' topic to do this.. Can just refer to the encyclopaedia as and when we come across something interesting in our daily moments or in his storybooks.
P.S. I am not saying this particular set of encyclopaedia is especially good. I have not used other sets of encyclopaedia so there is no basis for comparison.
Sunday, April 15, 2012
Weekend Blues
Most people who are working/studying full-time probably look forward to weekends.. and I should too, since it means Hubby is around to help out with the boys. But my weekends often seem quite boring AND hectic.. The previous weekend:
Saturday
Hubby went to work and only reached home around 4pm. Supposed to go to my in-laws' place so I was feeling quite sian. They are nice lah, but I am usually quite zuo-bo there and yet can't totally relax (unlike at my parents' place haha) : / But it turned out that we did not have to go as my mother-in-law was not free. (YIPPEE!) So we just rotted at home.. lazing around in the living room doing NOTHING while the boys played pretty much by themselves.
6.30pm Hubby went to the coffeeshop to buy dinner, and we started the boys' bedtime routine after their dinner. By 8pm, both boys were in bed and Hubby & I read/used computer/watched TV. End of the day.
Sunday
Hubby and Jiale needed a haircut. So after Didi woke up from his morning nap at 11am, we hurriedly rushed out (cos gotta be back by 2pm for the boys' afternoon naps. If too late, they might KO in the car and it would be difficult to get them to sleep again upon reaching home.)
Waited at the salon for very long (but only $8 la, so we were happy to wait :P).. Then went to supermarket to buy the week's groceries.. Had planned to eat out for lunch, but it was already 1pm by then! Ended up buying food home. Fed the boys their lunch and they were down for their nap at 2pm+.
Left the house again at 4pm+ to go to my parents' place. Spent the evening there and once we reached home at 8pm+, we got the boys ready for bed. Urmm, end of the weekend..!! Just like that!
So, what had we actually DONE during the weekend?? Grocery shopping.. Haircuts... Visited the grandparents... That's all! Didn't even get to eat out!
How come I always see so many FB posts about weekend activities and fun excursions? How do other parents of young children manage to squeeze in so many things? Everyone gotta buy groceries right? Everyone gotta visit the grandparents right? Everyone needs haircuts sooner or later right?
While I do not wish to tax my hubby with too many activities during the weekend as he also needs to rest after a week of work, I really wish we can have more outings as a family. Furthermore there are some activities which are pretty difficult for me to handle alone if I bring the boys on a weekday (e.g. swimming). But now, whether he's ok with less rest, we already Time Not Enough! Any suggestions??
Saturday
Hubby went to work and only reached home around 4pm. Supposed to go to my in-laws' place so I was feeling quite sian. They are nice lah, but I am usually quite zuo-bo there and yet can't totally relax (unlike at my parents' place haha) : / But it turned out that we did not have to go as my mother-in-law was not free. (YIPPEE!) So we just rotted at home.. lazing around in the living room doing NOTHING while the boys played pretty much by themselves.
6.30pm Hubby went to the coffeeshop to buy dinner, and we started the boys' bedtime routine after their dinner. By 8pm, both boys were in bed and Hubby & I read/used computer/watched TV. End of the day.
Sunday
Hubby and Jiale needed a haircut. So after Didi woke up from his morning nap at 11am, we hurriedly rushed out (cos gotta be back by 2pm for the boys' afternoon naps. If too late, they might KO in the car and it would be difficult to get them to sleep again upon reaching home.)
Waited at the salon for very long (but only $8 la, so we were happy to wait :P).. Then went to supermarket to buy the week's groceries.. Had planned to eat out for lunch, but it was already 1pm by then! Ended up buying food home. Fed the boys their lunch and they were down for their nap at 2pm+.
Left the house again at 4pm+ to go to my parents' place. Spent the evening there and once we reached home at 8pm+, we got the boys ready for bed. Urmm, end of the weekend..!! Just like that!
So, what had we actually DONE during the weekend?? Grocery shopping.. Haircuts... Visited the grandparents... That's all! Didn't even get to eat out!
How come I always see so many FB posts about weekend activities and fun excursions? How do other parents of young children manage to squeeze in so many things? Everyone gotta buy groceries right? Everyone gotta visit the grandparents right? Everyone needs haircuts sooner or later right?
While I do not wish to tax my hubby with too many activities during the weekend as he also needs to rest after a week of work, I really wish we can have more outings as a family. Furthermore there are some activities which are pretty difficult for me to handle alone if I bring the boys on a weekday (e.g. swimming). But now, whether he's ok with less rest, we already Time Not Enough! Any suggestions??
Thursday, April 12, 2012
Coping with New Baby
Recently read this post about how a mummy coped (urmm, or rather, was unable to cope) with her 2-year-old when the newborn arrived.
http://mommyofamonster.com/2012/04/mommy-moment-melissa-style.html
I think I can safely say I did not have any such moments with Jiale. How I dealt with having a new baby:
1) Perhaps because Jiale was only 18 months old when he was promoted to a big brother, he might not have understood what was going on. I think that as a child gets older, he might seem to understand, he thinks he understands, but actually he's understanding wrongly. E.g. he KNOWS mei mei or di di has replaced him, he is SURE that the parents love the new baby more.. etc etc.. but he's actually wrong! haha. In my opinion, a child can only truly understand when he is around 12 years old.. and even then, it takes a lot of careful management on the parents' part.
2) I always gave priority to Jiale. I believe this is only fair. After all he had been my only child for 18 months prior to Didi's arrival. I don't expect him to be sooooo understanding and 心甘情愿 wait for mummy to attend to Didi first. If someone else could handle (e.g. Didi had a dirty diaper), I would 'outsource' Didi's problem and tend to Jiale instead, even if it was just to play with him. I believe it's for the good of everyone, including Didi, for Jiale to be very assured of his position in mummy's heart.
(But I no longer do so. Gradually started to make Jiale wait as he got used to having Didi around. Now is about 50-50.)
3) I often tell Jiale that I love him and he is my Number One. Yes, in front of Didi too. I tell Didi frankly that he is my Number Two. And that he is Kor Kor's Number One. One more person to take care of him and dote on him, so it's fair that he gets a little less love from mummy. But only a little bit ok. I don't really believe one can love all the children equally la. After all, I spent 18 more months with Jiale! Perhaps because I am the firstborn child, I am very ok with this :P
Having said all these, if/when I have my 3rd child, I am going to outsource all three kids!! Cos I won't be getting any proper rest for dunno how long after that!!
http://mommyofamonster.com/2012/04/mommy-moment-melissa-style.html
I think I can safely say I did not have any such moments with Jiale. How I dealt with having a new baby:
1) Perhaps because Jiale was only 18 months old when he was promoted to a big brother, he might not have understood what was going on. I think that as a child gets older, he might seem to understand, he thinks he understands, but actually he's understanding wrongly. E.g. he KNOWS mei mei or di di has replaced him, he is SURE that the parents love the new baby more.. etc etc.. but he's actually wrong! haha. In my opinion, a child can only truly understand when he is around 12 years old.. and even then, it takes a lot of careful management on the parents' part.
2) I always gave priority to Jiale. I believe this is only fair. After all he had been my only child for 18 months prior to Didi's arrival. I don't expect him to be sooooo understanding and 心甘情愿 wait for mummy to attend to Didi first. If someone else could handle (e.g. Didi had a dirty diaper), I would 'outsource' Didi's problem and tend to Jiale instead, even if it was just to play with him. I believe it's for the good of everyone, including Didi, for Jiale to be very assured of his position in mummy's heart.
(But I no longer do so. Gradually started to make Jiale wait as he got used to having Didi around. Now is about 50-50.)
3) I often tell Jiale that I love him and he is my Number One. Yes, in front of Didi too. I tell Didi frankly that he is my Number Two. And that he is Kor Kor's Number One. One more person to take care of him and dote on him, so it's fair that he gets a little less love from mummy. But only a little bit ok. I don't really believe one can love all the children equally la. After all, I spent 18 more months with Jiale! Perhaps because I am the firstborn child, I am very ok with this :P
Having said all these, if/when I have my 3rd child, I am going to outsource all three kids!! Cos I won't be getting any proper rest for dunno how long after that!!
Playdays Week 2
Hmm, still cried when I said I was leaving.. But same, stopped crying within 15 minutes of me leaving the room.. When I returned 10 minutes before class ended, I peeped at him from outside and saw that he was not participating in the singing and dancing, just sitting quietly while the other kids were dancing around. At that moment, I really felt so bad, thinking to myself 'he's not happy..' : (
Though I was there early, I was a bit late to enter the room at the end of the class cos Didi was creating a mess outside so I had to keep the toys. Saw that Jiale was crying when I went in.. The teacher said that he got upset when he saw the other parents going in but not me.. Thanks ah, Didi! SABO!! (reminder to self: NEVER be late to fetch Jiale!)
The teacher said that Jiale did not cry much during the class though he got teary a few times. She said that he did play with the toys with the other kids, and that it was normal for him to be watching & observing for now before he joined in properly. Hmm, we shall see.
Though I was there early, I was a bit late to enter the room at the end of the class cos Didi was creating a mess outside so I had to keep the toys. Saw that Jiale was crying when I went in.. The teacher said that he got upset when he saw the other parents going in but not me.. Thanks ah, Didi! SABO!! (reminder to self: NEVER be late to fetch Jiale!)
The teacher said that Jiale did not cry much during the class though he got teary a few times. She said that he did play with the toys with the other kids, and that it was normal for him to be watching & observing for now before he joined in properly. Hmm, we shall see.
Disconnecting Myself..?
Inspired by a link by another mummy (http://powerofmoms.com/2012/04/your-children-want-you), I am thinking of taking a drastic step. Though not exactly what this link is talking about, I am considering NOT checking my phone at all when the boys are around... can check only when they are asleep.. But I am a self-confessed phone addict... Can I survive.... Hmmm..
Step 1: To check phone only if I hear it ring, so that I can still be contactable, especially since there is no residential line at home. Also can check text messages. Frankly speaking, I don't receive that many text messages.
Step 2: To mute my whatsapp. This is a killer. Cos can do group chats on whatsapp and the messages can keep on coming in. Faintz.
Step 3: Yep. No more Facebook. No more emails. BOOOOO HOOOO...! This is THE killer. *sob*
Step 1: To check phone only if I hear it ring, so that I can still be contactable, especially since there is no residential line at home. Also can check text messages. Frankly speaking, I don't receive that many text messages.
Step 2: To mute my whatsapp. This is a killer. Cos can do group chats on whatsapp and the messages can keep on coming in. Faintz.
Step 3: Yep. No more Facebook. No more emails. BOOOOO HOOOO...! This is THE killer. *sob*
Wednesday, April 11, 2012
≪小狗与猫咪≫
From the series ≪影响孩子一生的情商故事≫
I also have a problem with this story ah..
The cats STOLE firewood??! Though not stated explicitly, the firewood was stacked in a pile in the picture and did not look like falled branches... And the cats were portrayed as the heroes in the story, as they offered to share their fire with the dog despite the dog being unfriendly toward them.... So.. it's teaching children that it's ok to steal?? HMMMmmm..
≪我是彩虹鱼≫
Yes this is the Chinese version of Rainbow Fish! Hee hee, I like to read Chinese books to Jiale and I like him to read Chinese books : )
But I have a couple of issues with the story.
Why did Rainbow Fish have to give away his shiny scales just because Little Blue Fish and the other fish asked for them? - you ask so I have to give meh??
How come Little Blue Fish kept asking for shiny scales? - Don't have will die meh? Other people have so you must have?
How could Little Blue Fish tell everybody about Rainbow Fish's refusal to give him a shiny scale? - don't give you, so you go spread nasty things about me..??
How could the other fish obstracize Rainbow Fish just because he refused to give them his shiny scales? - you want, I don't give, so you don't friend me???
How come the other fish became so friendly with Rainbow Fish once he gave them his shiny scales?? - this type of friend, might as well don't want! you want me as a friend, or you want my shiny scales??
Hmm ok ok I have more than a couple of issues with this book, oops.
OK, I know the story is about sharing and that it's good to share. BUT it seems to be also teaching that we should give in to peer pressure, and that we can 'buy' friendship. Or that we must have it if we like it, doesn't matter it doesn't belong to you in the first place. Or that we should like someone if he gives you something you like, or dislike someone if he refuses to give you what belongs to him.
So... how come Rainbow Fish is supposedly a good book?
But I have a couple of issues with the story.
Why did Rainbow Fish have to give away his shiny scales just because Little Blue Fish and the other fish asked for them? - you ask so I have to give meh??
How come Little Blue Fish kept asking for shiny scales? - Don't have will die meh? Other people have so you must have?
How could Little Blue Fish tell everybody about Rainbow Fish's refusal to give him a shiny scale? - don't give you, so you go spread nasty things about me..??
How could the other fish obstracize Rainbow Fish just because he refused to give them his shiny scales? - you want, I don't give, so you don't friend me???
How come the other fish became so friendly with Rainbow Fish once he gave them his shiny scales?? - this type of friend, might as well don't want! you want me as a friend, or you want my shiny scales??
Hmm ok ok I have more than a couple of issues with this book, oops.
OK, I know the story is about sharing and that it's good to share. BUT it seems to be also teaching that we should give in to peer pressure, and that we can 'buy' friendship. Or that we must have it if we like it, doesn't matter it doesn't belong to you in the first place. Or that we should like someone if he gives you something you like, or dislike someone if he refuses to give you what belongs to him.
So... how come Rainbow Fish is supposedly a good book?
Monday, April 9, 2012
The Reading Habit
http://sunflowercreativearts.wordpress.com/2012/04/09/the-case-against-early-reading/
I often wonder HOW I learnt to read.. my parents did not know English at all, and I only started school at K1 (PCF of course). Yet I love to read. I remember since young, my mother would bring my siblings and me to the library and we would each lug back many many books. Even now, I read a lot, I know my sister reads a lot, and I often see my brother read too. The only possible reason is, my mother reads a lot too! (but my father only reads newspapers)
Hmm.. but.. my mother reads Chinese books... I only finished my first Chinese book last year, when I turned to parenting books from China. So, I still don't know how I learnt to read!
I often wonder HOW I learnt to read.. my parents did not know English at all, and I only started school at K1 (PCF of course). Yet I love to read. I remember since young, my mother would bring my siblings and me to the library and we would each lug back many many books. Even now, I read a lot, I know my sister reads a lot, and I often see my brother read too. The only possible reason is, my mother reads a lot too! (but my father only reads newspapers)
Hmm.. but.. my mother reads Chinese books... I only finished my first Chinese book last year, when I turned to parenting books from China. So, I still don't know how I learnt to read!
Playing Days
I am so looking forward to Thursday when Jiale goes to school for 3 hours!
How it has already made a difference to our lives:
In the past when we did grocery shopping during the weekend, I would be like a headless chicken dashing around the mall or neighbourhood shops, trying to get as much shopping or errands done as possible, so as to minimize any additional shopping trips during the week. But the previous weekend, while Hubby shopped for his shoes at PP, I could bring the boys to the playground outside and sit there and relax, watching them play.. for almost two hours! Because I knew that I could do my things while Jiale is in school : )
Still feeling some guilt la, mainly because I am a sahm and does not actually need to send him to school.. as opposed to a full-time working mother who has to arrange some sort of childcare anyway. So, I have made a very brave decision, and even more bravely communicated this to my hubby - if Jiale is still crying when I leave him at the school at the end of the term (gasp, just 6 more weeks!), I shall stop his lessons. And resign myself to lugging both boys around for my shopping & errands. I reason, at least he won't be crying when he goes shopping with me.. at most tantrums.. bad-tempered.. grouchy.. cranky.. Yucks. Oh well, if he has to be unhappy, at least be unhappy with mummy around.
Best is he is happy at Playdays. *hope hope hope*
How it has already made a difference to our lives:
In the past when we did grocery shopping during the weekend, I would be like a headless chicken dashing around the mall or neighbourhood shops, trying to get as much shopping or errands done as possible, so as to minimize any additional shopping trips during the week. But the previous weekend, while Hubby shopped for his shoes at PP, I could bring the boys to the playground outside and sit there and relax, watching them play.. for almost two hours! Because I knew that I could do my things while Jiale is in school : )
Still feeling some guilt la, mainly because I am a sahm and does not actually need to send him to school.. as opposed to a full-time working mother who has to arrange some sort of childcare anyway. So, I have made a very brave decision, and even more bravely communicated this to my hubby - if Jiale is still crying when I leave him at the school at the end of the term (gasp, just 6 more weeks!), I shall stop his lessons. And resign myself to lugging both boys around for my shopping & errands. I reason, at least he won't be crying when he goes shopping with me.. at most tantrums.. bad-tempered.. grouchy.. cranky.. Yucks. Oh well, if he has to be unhappy, at least be unhappy with mummy around.
Best is he is happy at Playdays. *hope hope hope*
Sunday, April 8, 2012
Improvised Routine
Added a couple of new things to our routine today. I have decided that all messy stuff will be done before Didi's morning nap. Best if he can join us. If not, he shall just play on his own around the house. This way, I will have free time to do learning activities with Jiale during Didi's nap. Right now, I leave it to Jiale whether he wants to join me to do puzzles etc. Sometimes, like this morning, he prefers to play on his own, e.g. with his trains. Then I will just read a book in his room - wait for him and model good habit of reading! : )
(But I'm not sure whether I should call him in or 'lure' him to do the learning activities instead? My main concern is he might need/want more free/independent play. Hmm. In fact, speaking of free/independent play, some authors say that the parent should be 'fully present' while the child is at play. The child leads the play, while the parent sits next to him and sometimes say things like 'you are putting a blue block on the red block' (to teach colors) or 'that is a good effort' (to provide encouragement). However my current stand is, independent play means he should be playing all by himself :P If he encounters any problems, he should come and look for me to ask for help. I don't want him to get used to me sitting next to him while he plays! If he whines, he can continue whining on his own and I shall NOT go to him! Gotta think on this more.)
While we used to do either free play or learning activities after Didi's nap, I started physical play and music play today. Can't do this during Didi's nap cos it's too noisy! And Didi can also join us : )
For physical play, I was inspired by the book The Art of Roughhousing. What we did today - I have a set of hopscotch mats from ELC and we played hopscotch. So fun and can help me lose weight too, LOL. Didi participated by blocking our way, LOL. Anyway it got Jiale all excited and sweaty : ) After that I did the Rogue Elephant with both boys, more fun, more sweat, more laughter!
Then we moved on to music play. Played a CD and we just danced and shook some toy musical instruments. Jiale was running around in circles with the instruments! I am so glad I have added in the physical play and music play elements. They are definitely fun and most probably good for the boys. Used to do them too, but it was once in a blue moon.. Gonna stick to the new routine, hope it's not too late for Jiale!
And if the boys are otherwised engaged, I shall just hang around and sing along to a CD. They can ignore me, it's ok :P As it is, they don't get much time to play together.. (because Didi has 2 naps a day!!) so if they wanna play with each other, good!
It feels great to have a routine in place, cos when I have new things to add/change, I can just look at our usual routine and plan how to slot in the new things. It also helps me to get things done.. otherwise the days just seemed to pass us by.. then I looked back and realised I had done nothing!
(But I'm not sure whether I should call him in or 'lure' him to do the learning activities instead? My main concern is he might need/want more free/independent play. Hmm. In fact, speaking of free/independent play, some authors say that the parent should be 'fully present' while the child is at play. The child leads the play, while the parent sits next to him and sometimes say things like 'you are putting a blue block on the red block' (to teach colors) or 'that is a good effort' (to provide encouragement). However my current stand is, independent play means he should be playing all by himself :P If he encounters any problems, he should come and look for me to ask for help. I don't want him to get used to me sitting next to him while he plays! If he whines, he can continue whining on his own and I shall NOT go to him! Gotta think on this more.)
While we used to do either free play or learning activities after Didi's nap, I started physical play and music play today. Can't do this during Didi's nap cos it's too noisy! And Didi can also join us : )
For physical play, I was inspired by the book The Art of Roughhousing. What we did today - I have a set of hopscotch mats from ELC and we played hopscotch. So fun and can help me lose weight too, LOL. Didi participated by blocking our way, LOL. Anyway it got Jiale all excited and sweaty : ) After that I did the Rogue Elephant with both boys, more fun, more sweat, more laughter!
Then we moved on to music play. Played a CD and we just danced and shook some toy musical instruments. Jiale was running around in circles with the instruments! I am so glad I have added in the physical play and music play elements. They are definitely fun and most probably good for the boys. Used to do them too, but it was once in a blue moon.. Gonna stick to the new routine, hope it's not too late for Jiale!
And if the boys are otherwised engaged, I shall just hang around and sing along to a CD. They can ignore me, it's ok :P As it is, they don't get much time to play together.. (because Didi has 2 naps a day!!) so if they wanna play with each other, good!
It feels great to have a routine in place, cos when I have new things to add/change, I can just look at our usual routine and plan how to slot in the new things. It also helps me to get things done.. otherwise the days just seemed to pass us by.. then I looked back and realised I had done nothing!
Homepreschool and Beyond
Disclaimer: My 'book reviews' are very subjective as it depends on whether the book is relevant to my family. Neither will I be doing any summary as I believe it's the details that make the book useful/helpful.
Why I am giving this book away:
The book talks about homeschooling from a Christian perspective and I am not a Christian. Thus it's hard for me to be convinced why I need to do something when the reason given is something along the line of 'for God'. And if I am not convinced, I won't use it.
I did finish the book though I knew from the first chapter it's not suitable for me. Read through it very quickly, didn't want to spend too much time on it.
I would say it would be a good read for someone who is a Christian and keen on just being a good Christian and bringing up her children to be good Christians.. I must admit that religion aside, I have not-so-innocent ambitions for my children - other than being good persons, I hope that my boys will be smart and successful. This is mainly because I did well academically and I think it has made my life a lot easier. For example I got a government scholarship and did not have to worry about paying off any loans after graduation. True, it sometimes didn't feel good to be bonded, but I was in a job which I would have chosen even without the bond, and the bond was only a few years. Because I was a scholar, more opportunities were offered to me, and I had more options to choose what I wished to do. Thus, of course I hope that my children will have a similarly smooth-sailing life.
That said, while the perfect outcome is for them to be good + happy + smart, smart is the last priority of the three. I am inclined towards play-based learning as it apparently can make children smart while they are also happily playing. But since I do not know whether play-based learning is really more effective than academic-type of learning, I would err on the side of happy children : ) And I am SURE that playing children are happier than studying children, LOL.
Back to the book. It seems that the author herself does not claim her book will help parents help their children be smart.. just good + happy.. Hmm.. I better go search for more books on helping my children be good + happy + smart!
Why I am giving this book away:
The book talks about homeschooling from a Christian perspective and I am not a Christian. Thus it's hard for me to be convinced why I need to do something when the reason given is something along the line of 'for God'. And if I am not convinced, I won't use it.
I did finish the book though I knew from the first chapter it's not suitable for me. Read through it very quickly, didn't want to spend too much time on it.
I would say it would be a good read for someone who is a Christian and keen on just being a good Christian and bringing up her children to be good Christians.. I must admit that religion aside, I have not-so-innocent ambitions for my children - other than being good persons, I hope that my boys will be smart and successful. This is mainly because I did well academically and I think it has made my life a lot easier. For example I got a government scholarship and did not have to worry about paying off any loans after graduation. True, it sometimes didn't feel good to be bonded, but I was in a job which I would have chosen even without the bond, and the bond was only a few years. Because I was a scholar, more opportunities were offered to me, and I had more options to choose what I wished to do. Thus, of course I hope that my children will have a similarly smooth-sailing life.
That said, while the perfect outcome is for them to be good + happy + smart, smart is the last priority of the three. I am inclined towards play-based learning as it apparently can make children smart while they are also happily playing. But since I do not know whether play-based learning is really more effective than academic-type of learning, I would err on the side of happy children : ) And I am SURE that playing children are happier than studying children, LOL.
Back to the book. It seems that the author herself does not claim her book will help parents help their children be smart.. just good + happy.. Hmm.. I better go search for more books on helping my children be good + happy + smart!
Outdoor Play
Sometimes I did get a little stressed when Jiale preferred to just stand around or sit around when we were at the playground. I would be thinking, 'gosh I put in effort to bring you and your brother all the way here.. and you just wanna sit/stand?? Go run around or cycle around..!!'But upon closer observation, I realised that even when he does not seem to be 'doing' anything much, he is observing the other children at the playground - watching the kor kors climb up high high, watching the jie jies play AEIOU/traffic light, watching how the other children interact in their games. All these are learning which he can't do at home.
As I look at my son sitting with the warm evening sun on his face and the gentle breeze ruffling his hair, I am happy : )
Saturday, April 7, 2012
Dye Hair DIY
First time I tried colouring my hair myself! Only did highlight/colour at hair salon before, and only 2-3 times as I like my black hair.. BUT now I need to cover white hair : (
So many changes in my personal grooming since I had kids..
Used to do $180 facials. Now it's $30 facials. Even then I can't go regularly cos I have to take care of the boys.
Used to use expensive skincare products - SK II, Clarins, Estee Lauder.. the list goes on.. Now, only pharmacy brands like Nivea. Neutrogena is a luxury item..
Used to sleep as early and wake up as late as I liked on non-working days. Now I am almost always up by 7am when my mobile alarm clock comes to look for me.
Used to play volleyball 2-3 times a week, run 1-2 times a week, play badminton occasionally, go gym........ Now no time, no energy to exercise..
Used to go shopping and buy new clothes whenever I felt like it. Now I only buy when I really need to! (e.g. shoes falling apart)
Tell me, like this how to not become auntie??!
Book: The Art of Roughhousing
Disclaimer: My 'book reviews' are very subjective as it depends on whether the book is relevant to my family. Neither will I be doing any summary as I believe it's the details that make the book useful/helpful
I had come across this title quite a few times as it was often mentioned and quoted and praised in the play-based learning books which I like to read. But I thought there was no need to read it as ‘what’s there to read about roughhousing..??’ But one fine day, I finally reserved it from the library. And I was pleasantly surprised!
Other than the physical & emotional benefits (bonding with parent), the book also talks about how roughhousing is good for EQ etc. It then provides clear instructions and illustrations on how to do roughhousing with your child. I am convinced and will be incorporating roughhousing into our daily (weekday) routine : )
By the way one of the two authors is Lawrence Cohen, who is the author of the book Playful Parenting. Another good book. But I won't be writing about it cos I read it sometime ago.
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