It's Not Always What It Seems

Sometimes photos can be deceiving. It seems like Jiale was happily cycling on his balance bike, with Daddy and Mummy, and Didi in child seat on Daddy's bike, right?

But in fact, Jiale was only happy for about 10 minutes. For the remainder of the one hour of bicycle rental (Hubby's and my bicycles), he was dragging his feet, refusing to move, sometimes squatting next to his bike..... We had no idea what was wrong... *gloomy*

Hubby suggested exchanging my bicycle with one with a child seat so that I could ferry Jiale inside. But I was adamant that Jiale had to continue with his own bike. Because if we gave in to him this time, it is very likely that he would always ask to be ferried and refuse to cycle in future. So, die also cannot give in!!

It was a slow and arduous journey. We had to keep waiting for Jiale to move another few itches... Then waited again... Then cajoled him to move.. It was really a test of my patience!

Fortunately, my obedient son who didn't want to cycle for some unknown reason, was still willing to push his bike along himself.

I was so happy when we finally reached the car! Very thankful that Jiale did not have his 'moods' when I was out alone with him.. And hoping fervently that he will be back to his usual self for our next bike outing!

Mr Timer

Have you tried using the wonderful timer? It has worked miracles for us! I used to be quite skeptical when I read about using the timer, but I realised that often, Jiale would ask to continue playing after I told him he had to go bathe/eat/sleep, and I often responded with 'ok, 5 more minutes'. But how to enforce the '5 minutes'? So I bought a timer from Daiso to try.

I know that Jiale does not like to go straight to nap after his lunch. He likes to play with his trains for a while, even 5 minutes is good. So I set the timer for 5 minutes and remind him that he has to go for his nap once the timer goes off. Most of the time (95%!), once the timer goes off, he says to himself 'orn orn' and jumps up and gathers his trains (he's allowed to bring 2 trains to sleep with him). No need for me to chase him or scold him! Yippee!

Why not buy one to try? It's only $2! : )

Busy Children of Our Times

Today is Jiale's schoolday, so we were out of the house before 8am. Reached home around 12.30pm. Though he was only in school for less than 3 hours (because we took our own sweet time at breakfast and only reached a bit past 9am. But we were not late ok, cos the drop-off time is until 9.30am :p), he was already so tired and sleepy on the way home. Which of course resulted in a cranky and tantrumy child.

After he had some milk (gotta drink milk once he reaches home to make him happy. No mid-day milk if we did not go out in the morning) and took a bath, he was in a better mood. While I was preparing lunch, I could hear the two boys' happy laughter and 'chatting' as they were playing (trains, what else?). And it got me thinking, Jiale only has two scheduled activities a week (Playdays on Thursday and swimming lesson on Friday) and I already feel he's so busy. Even though we go out quite often, we usually spend at least half the day at home (i.e. if we are out in the morning, we stay at home in the afternoon, and vice versa.) How about so many other children who go to school daily, some even full-day in school? And quite a few others who have enrichment classes etc on top of that? Wow.

[This post is not to debate whether school or enrichment classes is good or bad. But the children must surely be very busy!]

Do you have times when you want to do nothing but stone? I do. I enjoy and look forward to those times when I can just relax in front of the TV, with nothing on my to-do list, no chores waiting for me.

Let's give our children more time to do nothing : )

Resisting the Pressure

Not too long ago, I blogged about feeling the academic heat, when my firstborn was barely 2.5 years old. These two days, I have been reading and participating in a quite heated online discussion (a homelearning group on FB) about preparing our children for primary school, and got to thinking more about this topic.

The thing is, regardless of how my sons eventually perform academically, I am quite certain that they will not be among the top of their class at Primary 1. Because I am determined to let them enjoy their childhood, to let them play and play and play. Because I might not send them to preschool at all, maybe not even kindergarten. Because they might have a 'culture shock' in primary school. Because they might simply be late bloomers.

[Jiale has been on the waiting list for one preschool since a couple of months ago. I chose this school because from another mummy's feedback, the style of teaching fits my criteria. About one month ago, the school contacted me to check whether I was keen to enrol him for next year's intake, i.e. Nursery 2. I replied that I am only interested in the 2014 K1 intake. But now I am probably only going to start him at K2 earliest. And if he can't get into that school, I shall just enrol him at the nearest PCF for K2. That is, if he's going to kindergarten at all. But totally homeschooling from P1 onwards is not something I want. Because I love our education system too much :p ]

So, how do we deal with the not-so-good results in P1? Other than mummy having to take many deep breaths and setting aside her competitive streak, that is.....

I really really hope my children will grow up to be resilient and adaptable. In this context about primary school, I hope they will be able to adapt to the new environment in school, and be able to withstand the peer pressure, the possible negativism from teachers, the definite negativism on their test papers & report books, the demoralization they might feel from the class ranking. I hope they will not be disheartened, and will take it in their stride. I hope you will be STRONG, my dear sons. Be strong, and mummy is confident you will do just fine : )

My take on academic teaching in the preschool years is that the kids will either bloom sooner or later, or they will not bloom at all. The kids who bloom early, great, they are in time for P1 and will do well regardless of external 'help' (or hindrance :p) The kids who won't bloom, tuition or any academic hothousing will not improve matters, will only make these kids stressed and unhappy. The kids who bloom later, perhaps as late as P5 after streaming, or even only in secondary school, I believe the most important thing is to protect their natural curiosity and desire to learn in their early years, so that they can still bloom when they are ready. If the bud is not ready to become a flower, it is futile to pluck open the petals to 'help' it bloom.....

Now, my children are still young and I feel the need to protect them from outside attempts to kill their natural learning tendencies. Hopefully by the time they are 6-7 years old, they can go to kindergarten or primary school and protect themselves with their resilience. It is not always a kind world out there, the best I can do is to protect them, nurture them when they are impressionable and weak, and to set them free as they grow stronger.

By the way, yes, I am competitive. So it's quite killing me to be laidback about the boys' academic learning. But I believe this will produce the best results for them, academic or otherwise. Hope I am not sabo-ing them!

To summarize for my baobeis who might be reading this at the grand old age of 7 for Jiale and 5 for Jiahe:
Don't be stressed when you go to primary school. Don't worry about results.
Behave yourself, obey the teachers, always be respectful. (If there's a need to disagree with your teachers, mummy will do it. But you won't know about it.)
Do homework and submit on time. If you don't know how to do, ask mummy or daddy.
Make friends, play with friends, enjoy yourselves, have fun!
Pay attention in class, or at least be quiet during lessons.
Be happy, and wait to bloom!

If mummy becomes a crazy kiasu parent over the next few years, you can use this to back yourselves up :p

Survival Skills for Children

I realised that I am usually more stressed when I am out with Hubby without the kids. Other than that he is the only other person whom I trust to keep to their routines (and no TV etc), I finally made the connection to the reason!

Because usually when we go out, we go for a movie! And the genre we choose usually involves some world disaster (e.g. alien invasion, war) - no romantic comedy for us, cannot waste our precious movie date! - which means all the time that bombs are exploding, aliens are abducting humans, the cities being flooded etc, I will be worrying what if this happens NOW? And I am NOT with my sons! Can't protect them.. how??

(Though the grandparents love them a lot and I am sure they will try their best to protect the two boys in the event of any disaster, the fact is they are not young anymore and do not have the physical ability to run fast fast while carrying the boys. I mean, if got aliens chasing them la.)

This is the main reason why I decided to start Jiale on swimming lessons. So that if Singapore gets flooded, he can swim. So that if aliens are chasing after him, he can jump into the water as an additional escape avenue.

Similarly, I hope he will be quite atheletic so that he can run fast fast away from danger. Be daring to try, for example, leap into the unknown (read: a higher height than what he is used to), so that he can jump across gaping holes. Preferably, jump from building to building too. (wait, or am I getting confused with Spiderman?)

Anyway, that's the idea lah. Survival skills are most basic. More important than phonics, math, whatever.

I am always racking my brains how to further improve his survival skills.. set up a fire? find shelter and food in a forest? differentiate between edible and poisonous fruits? Suggestions are most welcome!

Angelic Jiale

I just realised that it has been quite a while since I lost my temper at the boys. Urmm, I am still fierce toward them, I still tell them 'no' countless times a day, I still maintain my dictatorship at home. No, I don't think I have changed much in how I interact with them, despite my best intentions after reading all those parenting books :p Doesn't seem to be any significiant changes in the boys' behaviour either. But there are no more lost-it-go-crazy-mummy-tantrums.

My best guess is, it's because Jiale is so much more reasonable and sensible nowadays! For example, maybe I still have to coax him, threaten him, bribe him, scold him, whatever him, but it usually only takes one coax, one threat, one bribe, one scolding, one whatever to get him to follow instructions. As compared to 100 whatevers and still no action in the not-too-distant past.

My boy has grown up. Mummy is happy. Love you lots, Baobei. And I will still love you even when you become a monster again : )

How to Perfect Jiale

Ok 'perfect' is an exaggeration la. Just that I feel he is already very sensible and well-behaved.. But there are 2 things still contributing to his occasional tantrums.

Firstly, he has a constipation problem. At least 3 times in the past month, he pooed a lump so big and hard that I couldn't flush it down the toilet! I kid you not. Had to poke it into smaller pieces first then flush again. (I wore disposable glove la.) I have noticed that often after he had a nasty unreasonable dunno-why tantrum, he would poo. Which means he was constipated when he was having the tantrum. Probably feeling a lot of discomfort : ( But I don't think it's painful cos he didn't seem to be in pain.. Just irritable, cranky, foul-tempered.

I have tried giving him Vitagen daily but to no avail. Fruits, vegetables.. Well, it depends on whether he is willing to eat.. For instance, he usually loves blueberries but sometimes he also simply refuses to eat them. Sigh.

Secondly, he is very picky about his food. There are hardly anything that he is willing to eat.. and most are of the unhealthy sort, e.g. fried chicken, chicken nuggets, fishballs. Oh ya, and Breadtalk cheese bread. Yep, must be Breadtalk. 'Normal' cheese bread, he eats, but only a little bit..

I can't be always giving him the unhealthy stuff, right? So most of the time, he declares he is full after just a few mouthfuls. It's definitely not my culinary skills that's the problem (though I definitely don't proclaim to be a good cook), because he often refuses to eat at the grandparents' too!

(As for eating out, we usually have Japanese food, and Jiale loves tamago sushi, so no problem there.)

He loves to drink formula milk too, but if we always give him milk, he will end up eating even less.. Haii..

So, I believe that if I can solve the problem of him being hungry and constipated most of the time, he will be much better-tempered and easy-going. The problem is, HOW?

Actually, Jiale is still good-natured most of the time. He is active and playful and cheerful, not to the extent of lying around listlessly and showing any sign of low energy. That is why I kept telling myself he was just not hungry, toddlers don't need to eat all the time, he will eat when he's hungry, etc etc. But it has gone on for too long. I think he is still good-natured because he is really just very good-natured. To the extent of still being good-natured even if he's feeling hungry and stomach is grumbling. Boo hoo : (

I have decided to devote myself to tackle this issue. Shall put homelearning and spending time with the boys on the backseat for now. Shall spend more time cooking for Jiale and hopefully find a way to entice him to eat more (not hungry)and to eat more healthily (not constipated).

Make Yourself Happy

Ideally (for women), the wife/mother will never have to ask for 'time off' to go out with her friends or just to have a break. Instead , the husband/father will often insist that she should go and pamper herself, offering his services to look after the children so that she can go off happily.

(Ideally, for men, the wife/mother will never ask for 'time off'. Same as how employers feel about domestic helpers.)

After a couple of frustrating incidences recently where I was not able to go off by myself even though there were available caregivers for the boys, I decided to take concrete action instead of feeling upset about it and having no mood to play properly with the boys (not to mention black face all the time :p)

In the past, I would ask for time off from Hubby when my friends wanted to meet up (e.g. one of my girlfriends' birthday) or when I wanted to go for a facial etc. But I felt a bit paiseh everytime I asked, as it seemed like it was 'extra'. And I would rush to my appointment and then rush back to meet up with Hubby and kids. In the end, I didn't feel much rested.. in fact it was quite stressful to go for a facial!

Now, I take a day off every month, 10am to 6pm. I go off even if I do not have any specific plans. And if I do want to meet up with my friends or go for a facial or haircut etc, I will arrange on my off day. No fixed day, but only one day a month.

Yesterday was the first time I did this. No guilt, because I know that I am still with the boys 24 hours the other 29 days of June. No paiseh, cos I know I will not have to leave Hubby alone with the boys for the remainder of the month. All I felt was HAPPY!

Did not make any plans with anyone for the day cos I wanted to totally relax and did not want any time constraints. Asked one old friend whether she was free to meet up as I have not met her for a very very long time, but she was not free. So I spent my free time visiting my favorite shops.. all places which I have always frequented, but this time I could browse slowly in peace! And I met up with two friends for an impromptu tea! Wow, when was the last time I could meet friends without prior advance early planning??

How about Hubby? Is it fair for him to have to take care of the boys by himself for one day a month? Well, he has dinner and drinks with his work associates about 2-3 times a month, usually reaching home no earlier than 1am. Though the boys are already in bed anyway and I don't need him around to help out with them, so it shouldn't matter, right? Hmm, he has me and my military training to thank for not having to rush home after work everyday, and being able to rest once he reaches home at 8pm+ as the boys are in bed by then. Yep, I take the credit. And I am very willing to let Hubby go off by himself during weekends if he wants to catch a movie etc. Fair and square! Not to mention that he will be happier with a happy wife than a grouchy one.. :p

Book: Easy to Love, Difficult to Discipline

Have been reading, or more accurately, trying to read this book for weeks.. Not motivated cos... it doesn't seem 'reader-friendly' (boriiiing)...
At the 40% point, I finally decided to stop reading. Rationalised that since It already felt like a chore, my brain would not easily process and remember anyway even if I make my eyes move over the words. And it's delaying my moving on to other possibly better books!

Based on the first 40%, I can only say, be a perfect person, then you will be a perfect parent, and have a perfect relationship with your children :p

Oh well. The book might be really good actually, but we are not fated.

Our Letterland Journey.. (or Not)

Bought the Letterland Living ABC cd-rom sometime ago as I wanted to move beyond the 26 basic letter sounds + the 5 vowel sounds (i.e the vowels saying their letter names). There are more than 40 phonemes and mummy here is very lost.

Other than the cd-rom, we already had The ABC Book, Alphabet of Rhymes, and My ABC of Letters.

BUT I have not been using the cd-rom regularly with Jiale. The main reason is I saw him starting to get 'addicted' to it - everytime he saw me using the laptop, he asked for 'abc' : ( No tantrums when I refused, but I foresaw it happening. So I decided to put it aside for the time being and only let him watch occasionally. Now we are just reading the Letterland books and listening to the audio CDs.

I also read the Letterland Teacher's Guide but did not find it very useful. Instead, I have bought two more Letterland storybooks - Beyond ABC and Far Beyond ABC. These are for sounds like 'sh', 'ch' etc, and too chim for Jiale now. They are mainly for me to learn and remember what the digraphs and trigraphs sound like, as the books are stories of why 's' and 'h' don't make their usual sounds when they are together. Jiale also likes to flip through the storybooks : )

On a sidenote, I read that there are concerns about children being dependent on the Letterland characters to recognize the letters, e.g. they only know 'c' when they see the cat, but not when it's the plain letter. Jiale has no such issue, probably because he learnt his alphabet just using the plain letters, before I started him on Letterland (to learn & reinforce phonics). 

On top of that, I have also been exploring the other phonics learning systems such as Jolly Phonics. I like the Jolly Songs as they sound just like normal children's songs, i.e. a nursery rhymes with adapted lyrics, so we can listen to the CD while we are playing with other things. Letterland songs, on the other hand, sound more boring :p I will continue to look out for and explore other ways for me to learn phonics and to teach Jiale, after all, what I do not know, I cannot teach.

(By the way, the conclusion is, I am STILL lost about phonics. I hope very much Jiale is not an auditory learner, cos my spoken English cannot make it. Hope hope hope he's visual or whatever!!)

I'm Not Bragging

There has been some discussion among a group of online mummy friends about this topic, so I decided to write a post on my own thoughts & feelings about it. It seems that some of these poor mummies were criticized &/or questioned why they were doing so much learning stuff with their kids, wouldn't the kid feel stressed, wouldn't the kid be bored in school, were they bragging when they posted on FB about the kid's accomplishments.

I am quite fortunate that no one has made such remarks to me yet, maybe because what I do is not very academic, maybe because I am lucky that all my friends & acquaintances see the merits in what I do, or they can't be bothered anyway, maybe because they know my character and wisely decide not to make negative comments.

Anyway, just for the record, I want to make it clear that I am in no way bragging when I post about what Jiale has learnt. I no longer meet up regularly with other mummies who have children of the same age as Jiale, and Jiale doesn't go to daily school, so I have zero idea how his peers are doing. When I posted that Jiale could read/spell a few words, who knows, maybe his peers are already reading/spelling dozens of words! I do not know whether Jiale is smarter than his peers, I only know he is smarter than he was yesterday. I do not know whether Jiale is learning a lot very fast, I only know he is learning what he did not know yesterday. I compare him to himself, and I am not afraid to admit I am very proud of what he has achieved!

To play safe, I also want to inform everyone that I do not welcome disparaging or discouraging comments about what I do with my children. Another wise mummy said she would not listen to anyone else but herself when it came to her children, and I fully agree. Amidst all the advice and recommendations and shared experiences from others, ultimately it is the parents who must decide. Negative comments will only upset me, and I will most likely upset the person too - not because I want to 'take revenge', just that I will argue back and disagree in order to put across my point. I am not a doormat and will not allow people to walk all over me. I reserve the right not to publish your comment (on blog) and to delete your comment (on FB), unless it is to publish for the sake of argument.

OK, dunno why I got so agitated. Nobody stepped on my toes. I guess I am just upset there are people in the world who would pour cold water on someone else's enthusiasm when it is none of their business in the first place. I post on FB to share my happiness/unhappiness with people who care/are interested/don't mind reading for leisure. Anyone who doesn't want to read can just get lost go away.

Feel much better after ranting :p

Advice for Singles/ New Couples

OK, I have clearly stated I am going to dispense advice. So if you do not wish unsolicited advice, please stop reading. But if you are already married, you can read for fun since this is not directed toward you :p

1. Always find a house near the wife's mother. No matter how nice or helpful the husband's parents are, the wife will feel paiseh asking them to help out with the children too often. Whereas I have no qualms unloading them on my mother. Unfortunately I stay very far from my parents. We chose to buy a flat near my in-laws as I did not expect myself to become a sahm then, and the plan was for my in-laws to take care of the kids while I went to work. Having a readily available caregiver (i.e. wife's mother) will allow the wife to take time off for a break whenever she feels burnt out.

How is this good for the husband? Happy wife, happy life.

2. If you are not married yet, do try your very best to imagine what your girlfriend/boyfriend will be like as a parent. I know, having kids might seem very distant if you have not even planned your wedding. I know for sure that I did not seriously/properly imagine this. Basically, my thought process was - good boyfriend, good person, surely will be a good parent. Not that my hubby is not a good daddy lah, but being more hands-on will be helpful to family harmony :p

3. It is also very important to be in agreement about how many children to have, when you want them, who to take care of them, whether one should be a stay-at-home-parent, etc. It is normal for opinions to change after marriage/having the first kid. But at least you have something to fall back on. To be very frank, if you already disagree before getting married, I strongly advise thrashing things out first or errr, finding another person to marry :p

4. When you are doing up your lovenest, do consider how it will work out with kids around. In my case, luckily my house is quite big, or else I might have gone nuts whenever Jiale pours out his Lego when Didi is napping..! It is very loud! I also try to keep Jiale in the living room or kitchen when he is in an excitable mood (i.e. yelling & laughing loudly and stomping around like elephant). We only play in his bedroom if he's in the mood to read books or do quiet play, as the bedrooms are clustered closely together. I am able to manage the two boys on my own only because they have their own bedrooms and thus they can sleep on their own once they are sleep-trained. So I discourage hacking walls to combine bedrooms cos you will most likely need more bedrooms!

[Once the kids are older, I will move them into the same bedroom and use the extra bedroom as a playroom. KIV first.]

I regret hacking the wall between my master bedroom and the room next to it. (We put the wall back up before Didi was born.) I also regret buying quite a few of the furniture - such as the table and chairs at the balcony where we had visualised ourselves relaxing with a cuppa and a book/newspapers. But now I just feel they are taking up space which can be better utilized for the boys' toys or be used as a learning corner! Storage space is very important to keep the kids' stuff - not only their toys and clothes, but parenting books and other 'gear'. BUT cabinets take up wall space! Wall space which I would prefer to use for learning charts etc.

[I am very very glad we only did cabinets on one side of the kitchen. Though it did (does) feel like there wasn't enough storage space in the kitchen, I can now use one whole half of the kitchen for the boys' art & craft area and toy kitchen.]

Hmm, that's enough volunteered advice for now. I am only writing this post because I am too bored while waiting for the boys to wake up!

Why I Want 3 Kids, ASAP

It's not because I am mad.

I am not a great fan of children, and I never go ga-ga when I see babies. I didn't know how to interact with babies until they were old enough to have a proper conversation with me, until I had my own children. The main reason why I want more than one child, is to give the firstborn siblings, i.e. playmates (i.e. people to fight with :p). And I believe that if there are only two, they have no choice but to play with each other. But when there are three or more, they gotta play nice.. or be obstracised! So, it's training in social skills lor. And the best thing about 'training' with siblings? Mummy doesn't have to worry about pleasing the other parent(s).. I can scold all the kids, or I can let them fight to the end..!

Hubby does agree on having three kids. But we differ in how long we think the age gap between the second and the third should be. He thinks we should wait a few more years as Jiale and Jiahe are both still very young. Me? I want to have the third as soon as possible! Because..

Firstly, the shorter the age gap, the more they can play together as peers. Similar strength, similar size, similar ability = no issue of bullying/victimization. As it is, as Didi is not even stable on his feet yet, I am always having to 'take sides'. ARGH. Dislike. I want to be able to leave them to sort out their own disputes, which is not very possible when one is at a disadvantage.

Secondly, I want to 'close factory' as soon as possible. Then can get rid of all the maternity clothes, nursing clothes, AND the fats. Now I am really unmotivated to make effort to slim down properly, cos I know it will all go back on again with the third baby. I seriously do not want to be this fat for the next few years! Oh ya, and also get rid of the baby toys sooner!

Thirdly, I think it has been easier coping with Didi as my experiences with Jiale are still fresh. With just a 18-month gap, I already find myself having to refer back to the books & Internet, but at least it only takes a refresher to recall what to do. Likely to have to start from beginning if the gap is too long.

Next, it also affects the routine for the kids. Currently, I have to lug Didi along for Jiale's swimming lesson. When Jiale goes to school one morning a week, Didi also misses his morning nap. Imagine if Jiale is much older when the new baby comes along, he might already be in kindergarten and attending school daily. It will be so much more difficult lugging a newborn to send Jiale to school everyday! (and yes, most likely I will be the one sending & fetching. And I don't trust schoolbuses.. In fact I don't feel secure to have my child in a moving vehicle unless they are with someone who loves them, i.e. limited to the grandparents, parents, our siblings and their spouses, and maybe a very few of my friends.)

Lastly, and most importantly, I am worried about the age and quality of my eggs. Not that my young eggs are definitely better than someone else's older eggs.. But my young eggs are surely better than my old eggs, right?? I am already 32 this year.. a few more years and I will be in the higher-risk group. More worries, more stress. Less restorative ability, less energy : (

I don't think it's going to get easier anyway. There are difficulties having a new baby with two young children around, but there will also be new challenges to have a new baby when the two boys are older. For instance, I am quite glad Jiale was only 18 months old when Didi arrived - still young, still blur :p

I am really not mad, ok?

Book: The Well-Trained Mind: A Guide to Classical Education

This is NOT a giveaway hor!

Also a recommendation from a learned mummy (I am so fortunate to know so many knowledgable mummies!). Very thick (800+ pages!), hardcover book. But luckily I can skip quite a lot of it cos it's divided into different school levels - Kindergarten through fourth grade, Fifth grade through eighth grade, and Ninth grade through twelfth grade. I have only read the prologue, the kindergarten part and the last part on How to educate your child at home, which is more of the practicalities.

It is quite a detailed book as it has separate chapters for each subject for each level, with recommended books and how-tos. But most of it is still too advanced for Jiale (and me!), so I shall do a very brief review based on what I gathered.

The main insight I gained from this book was to read, read, read. The author, who homeschooled her three children, advocates exposing the child to many genres of books and for him to read a lot. The classical method also seems to include a lot of memorising, because 'memorising, organization and expression... the tools by which the mind learns.' But urmm, Jiale is only 2+ and I definitely won't worry about memorising anything for now. (But yes, the tiger mum in me has no qualms about making him memorize. 'Tiger' not because I die die want him to get good results. 'Tiger' as in if mummy says so, you better do it. No idea yet whether I will think it's necessary to make him memorize things. See how.)

So, as part of the homelearning I do with Jiale, books is the main focus. No worksheets, no activity sheets etc. It's books + field trips + hands-on stuff. (shall blog on that when I am free)

Anyway, this is quite a good book especially if you intend to do proper all-out homeschooling with your child. I gotta keep this book cos, who knows, I might end up homeschooling the boys even for primary school!

Book: Your Child's Strengths

Got this on another mummy's recommendation. See here for details.

OK, this is a not bad book. The thing is, I feel it's not that necessary for me because I already fully agree with the main gist of the book, i.e. to focus on the child's strengths. In fact, as part of my Masters in Social Work, I did a presentation to my colleagues on the Strengths Perspective, together with a fellow colleague cum coursemate. The Strengths Perspective is about actively looking out for the clients' strengths and reframing the situation in positive terms. For example, a student who often gets into trouble for being defiant, could be reframed as having his own mind and willing to speak up. Then, the follow up action would be to help him to do this in appropriate ways and to create/look out for opportunities for him to build on his strengths. Instead of just scolding him and punishing him!

Anyway I like the Strengths Perspective very much, and I feel it is very important especially for the clientele I was working with - teenagers who had commited offences and were placed on probation by the Court.

OK, back to children. This book is divided into 3 parts - Part 1 describes the ideas & practices that contribute to children's feelings of weakness. Part 2 explains what strengths are and how and why families and schools should help children develop theirs. Part 3 offers a variety of workbook exercises that parents, teachers, or children can use to discover and develop their strengths. A Strengths Inventory is included in the appendix, a questionnaire that children can take to help them identify what their strengths are.

Why I don't need this book: I believe that since I already have this mindset, it should be easier for me to just try to apply it in our daily interactions, instead of trying to follow what the book teaches. And I am definitely too lazy to do worksheets/inventory!! I would recommend it to parents who might feel you are having some difficulties in seeing the positives in your child(ren) or realise that you seem to be often focusing on the negatives and neglecting the positives.

Book: You are Your Child's First Teacher

Bought this book (mine is the 2006 edition) as I am interested in Waldorf early childhood education, but could not find any related books in the library. Basically, it's rather too chim for me, as it talks about spirituality, 'energy', 'inner life', etc. Thus I think I shall just stick to reading Janet Lansbury's blog on RIE.

Am I Overprotective?

I had always thought I was a very not protective parent. I never minded the boys falling down, getting a few scrapes or bruises here and there.

But a few months ago, I did something very protective. I stopped bringing Jiale to playdates if a certain other girl (same age as him) would be present.

Was it because she bit him very hard a couple of times before?

No.

Was it because she kept telling him 'no this, no that', even when he was not playing with her or touching her things or doing anything to/with her?

No. (Though I was not happy about it.)


The last straw. When discussing with the girl's mummy why the girl seemed to dislike Jiale so much, she said that it could be because when they were younger (about one year old), Jiale pushed her quite often as he walked earlier than her and was more stable on his feet, so the girl remembered what happened and thus still disliked him ONE YEAR LATER.


A one-year-old baby can remember things and nurse a grudge for so long? That's scary.


Actually I have no recollection of Jiale pushing the girl on a frequent basis. But whether he did or did not.... Even if he did.... they were one year old!!


There is no way to know what the little girl was thinking or why she disliked Jiale or even whether she really did dislike him or whatever. I just know that I did not like it when my son was accused of being the cause of another person's negative behavior. And I absolutely CANNOT STAND IT that it was about an innocent one-year-old remembering another innocent one-year-old's actions one year on. BLEH.


It was too stressful too. So if he hit the girl again when they were two years old, would it be raised as the reason for whatever might happen one year later? Then everytime the two young kids quarreled/disagreed/fought (which I think is quite common among young children), I would be VERY SCARED.


So I decided to run away fast.


It has been three months since then. Very often I wonder whether I did the right thing. So what if it's stressful for me, perhaps it would be better for Jiale to take a few hard knocks and learn the reality of the not-always-friendly world out there? I might be able to 'censor' whom he associates with now, but it will be quite impossible as he grows up. Maybe I should have just REN and still let Jiale spend time with his friends whom he has known since babyhood? After all, the kids don't bear grudges (or at least, that's what I thought think). Was I overprotective?

Amidst all these thoughts, actually I still think I did the right thing. I believe children should not spend too much time in an environment with negative vibes (i.e. a peer telling him 'no' for everything, and an adult who saw him as the root cause for the problem, and a mummy being stressed & scared everytime he went near the girl).

What's worse is that I still have a phobia about this now. Whenver I observe Jiale with new playmates, I feel stressed, wondering whether it will go down the same route. (The old me would just have thought children were like that, they fight, they make up, they forget, they play.) While I am organising playdates or tagging along for other mummies' playdates, I am also in a dilemma whether I should subject Jiale to all that. Or should I just let him play alone/with Didi at home? Since we have no lack of toys at home and I am so outgoing and bring him out so often anyway.. No need to play with other kids until he (and his peers) is older?

我不知道