The New Yes-Boy

Warning: This is a very strange post. I myself find what has happened quite strange! (think alien)

Not too long ago, my firstborn's most common response to everything was 'no no no no no!' The alternative was 'noooooooooooo noooooooooooo' in a super irritating whining tone. This manifested itself at least twice a day everyday, before the morning and evening baths. No idea why he disliked baths so much. He was usually ok once he was in the bathroom, but he just refused to come by himself till I dragged him in crying & struggling.

Till mummy here got fed up one day. As my friends know, I don't put up with nonsense and I like to solve problems. Well, this whining kid here was basically nonsense AND a problem. Mummy no like.

More than one week ago, I started to get tough on Jiale. Used to act 'normal' once I managed to get him into the bathroom, no matter how much scolding/coaxing it took. But now if he refused to come willingly, I would just carry him into the bathroom and not talk to him throughout the shower and not let him play (no toys, no water, no bubbles, no playing with Didi!), but no scolding or any other punishment and everything back to normal once he took his shower (even if it was by force). Told him that I wanted him to answer 'yes mummy' when I said 'bath time'. For the first few days, he bo chap me and I had to carry him to the bathroom. After 3-4 days, he suddenly answered 'yes' when I called him to come for bath! And then he cheerfully went for his bath!

Since then, it has worked everytime! Seeing how effective this was, I decided to use the same method for his naps, bedtimes, mealtimes.. everything, haha!

Mummy: Jiale, when mummy says it's naptime, you say 'yes mummy', understand?
Jiale: (No response)
Mummy: Jiale, say yes.
Jiale: Yes.

And it has worked beautifully! I don't claim to be an expert, and it has only been a week or so thus far. But here is what I have concluded:

1. Children need to be taught how to respond. He might have been saying 'no' just because he was used to it. It's like we were stuck - he said 'no' and we responded, either by giving in (rarely, unfortunately for the poor boy), or we (urmm, ok, usually I) got fierce. Somehow or another, we carried on with our lives.

2. Saying 'yes is a habit that can be cultivated, replacing the undesirable habit of always saying 'no'. When he gets used to it, it is easier and faster for him to activate the 'yes' response.

3. Once he realises saying 'yes' makes his life more pleasant, he is problaby more motivated to keep saying it. Because happy mummy, happy son.

He is definitely still saying 'no' at times. That is fine. That is very good. Wouldn't want him to be a doormat and let people walk all over him. He is entitled to his opinions and preferences. Mummy is very reasonable one ok. Already very happy to be hearing more 'yes' than 'no' nowadays! 

Disclaimer: The danger of sharing what has worked for me is that some readers might think I am claiming to be an expert. Well, I only have two children and the elder one is only 2.5 years old. So my parenting experience is definitely very limited. I am only saying it works for me and my family. In fact, I realise it might even just be a coincidence. Maybe he would have grown out of it even if I did not do anything. Well, if/when he relapses, I shall blog about it too!