How To Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk

Have you ever read a book where just after one page, it has already made an impact on your life? That was how what happened to me with this book.

The last sentence on page one says "direct connection between how kids feel and how they behave". I was having a short break while Didi was napping and Jiale was having his lunch (rare occurrence cos they usually have lunch together, but that day, Didi had a very long nap and it was getting too late for Jiale's lunch). Right after I finished this sentence, Jiale declared he was full, which meant it was time for him to go for his nap. I had to stop reading as I had to wash up the lunch dishes. He had not napped in the afternoon for three consecutive days before that, and he was walking in and out of his room.

Earlier that day, I had decided to change my expectation that he would definitely take a nap in the afternoon. Add that to my newfound knowledge (or maybe, more of a reminder, a knock on my head - 'hello, wake up wake up'), and instead of getting irritated and scolding him as I had done for the past three days, I was very patient with him and talked to him gently each time he came out of his room... and VOILA! That day he napped!

I guess one incident does not mean anything - it could be just a coincidence, maybe he just happened to be more tired that day. And I was very lucky that that day, Didi was still napping while I dealt with Jiale's refusal to nap, so I could be extra patient extra nice, allowing me to see the positive outcome. But just one incident, and I could already feel the difference in the 'ambience' - when I didn't get angry at him, he didn't act 'naughty'. (When I shouted at him, he usually became whiny and 'no no no no no no'.) Even though he might still walk in and out of his room for countless times, even though he might still not nap in the end, there is no hostility or unhappiness around us. He's cheerful and cute and smiley when he comes out of his room. He's cheerful and cute and smiley when I tell him to go back to bed... provided I am smiley too! Even when he doesn't nap, he's very ok to remain in his room playing/reading by himself for 1-2 hours, and since I am not angry, I am still able to have my rest-time in a good mood (no escalated blood pressure, no accelerated heart rate, no headache, no bursting blood vessels! But I have to admit, it's very hard to be patient & nice when there is another baby clinging on to me like superglue and whining for dunno what!!)

Direct connection between how kids feel and how they behave.. And there is definitely a direct connection between how the mother behaves and how the kid feels. Thus

Mother's behavior --> Kid's feeling --> Kid's behavior

can be summarized as

 Mother's behavior --> Kid's behavior

 Oh, before I end this post, my review of the book - It is definitely worth a read! I borrowed from the library but I have ordered a copy to keep so that I can refer to it anytime. It is also an easy read, written in friendly language with many interesting anecdotes. Strongly recommended!