赏识你的孩子

By 周弘

好书!

I shall do a short short summary of the book since it's a gift from a friend (thanks, Diana!), it's a Chinese book (i.e. many people can't finish the book), and it's such a good book! Short short because I feel that the true essence can only be truly understood when you read the book in full, as every experience and thought which the author shared will contribute to the whole picture and what we take away. So, short short just for you to get a feel of whether you agree with what the author says, and to entice you to read the book!

The author's daughter was hearing-impaired from birth and lost her hearing completely at 1.5 years old. But after his initial despair, the author did not give up on her. He tried very hard to help her catch up with the 'normal' kids. When she was 7 years old, he chanced upon a book 幼儿才能开发 by a Japanese psychologist and he was very touched by this paragraph:

There is a huge potential in every child, every child is a genius, despite the parents' unlimited  loving ravaging, some children still become geniuses.

The psychologist went on to conclude that it was the parents who murdered the bud of a child's potential. The author then realised that when there were problems with a child's learning, the parents should bear the most responsibility. He advocates:

1. Tell the child that 60 marks is sufficient. This is to preserve his natural curiosity and desire to learn, instead of burying them under the never-ending pursuit of marks. 
2. Make the child feel that he is already a genius.
3. Success leads to motivation and effort, not the only way round. 
4. Parents should be the ones to re-charge the child. The child should always feel that his parents are his source of support. 

By the way, I intend to do that - tell my sons 60 marks is enough. If they want to strive for higher marks, I shall provide the resources and whatever assistance they ask for. If not, I shall truly be happy with their 60 marks.

Might be hard for some parents to accept what this author suggests, as the results might not be evident immediately. I know, cos often I have to bite my lips to stop myself from 'overloading' Jiale too fast too soon. But then, instant gratification might not last long either. 小时了了，大未必佳！Best way to describe it - 不要把苗助长。

Oh ya, the daughter skipped two grades in primary school, got her degree at 16, got her masters at early 20s, accepted by Columbia U and Boston U to do her doctorate, with numerous awards along the way.

One thing though, while I like the book a lot, I am always sceptical about China-Chinese books.. Because most of the authors only have one child! Not that parents with one child are less competent in parenting in any way, but when it's a culture thing to be a one-child family, I believe it affects their parenting in many ways. Two parents, four grandparents, that's six adults for every child!

[Just to be bo liao, some quick math here: my two sons have five cousins on my hubby's side, so they have 2 divide by 7 of paternal grandparents. One cousin on my side, so they have 2 divide by 3 of maternal grandparents. Two parents divide by the two of them, so that's 1 parent each. So in total, they have 2/7 + 2/3 + 1 = 1 20/21 of adults for each of them.. Less than two!! See what I mean about the culture??!]

Verdict: Yes, I definitely recommend it! By the way, it's quite easy reading, don't worry : )