Am I Overprotective?

I had always thought I was a very not protective parent. I never minded the boys falling down, getting a few scrapes or bruises here and there.

But a few months ago, I did something very protective. I stopped bringing Jiale to playdates if a certain other girl (same age as him) would be present.

Was it because she bit him very hard a couple of times before?

No.

Was it because she kept telling him 'no this, no that', even when he was not playing with her or touching her things or doing anything to/with her?

No. (Though I was not happy about it.)


The last straw. When discussing with the girl's mummy why the girl seemed to dislike Jiale so much, she said that it could be because when they were younger (about one year old), Jiale pushed her quite often as he walked earlier than her and was more stable on his feet, so the girl remembered what happened and thus still disliked him ONE YEAR LATER.


A one-year-old baby can remember things and nurse a grudge for so long? That's scary.


Actually I have no recollection of Jiale pushing the girl on a frequent basis. But whether he did or did not.... Even if he did.... they were one year old!!


There is no way to know what the little girl was thinking or why she disliked Jiale or even whether she really did dislike him or whatever. I just know that I did not like it when my son was accused of being the cause of another person's negative behavior. And I absolutely CANNOT STAND IT that it was about an innocent one-year-old remembering another innocent one-year-old's actions one year on. BLEH.


It was too stressful too. So if he hit the girl again when they were two years old, would it be raised as the reason for whatever might happen one year later? Then everytime the two young kids quarreled/disagreed/fought (which I think is quite common among young children), I would be VERY SCARED.


So I decided to run away fast.


It has been three months since then. Very often I wonder whether I did the right thing. So what if it's stressful for me, perhaps it would be better for Jiale to take a few hard knocks and learn the reality of the not-always-friendly world out there? I might be able to 'censor' whom he associates with now, but it will be quite impossible as he grows up. Maybe I should have just REN and still let Jiale spend time with his friends whom he has known since babyhood? After all, the kids don't bear grudges (or at least, that's what I thought think). Was I overprotective?

Amidst all these thoughts, actually I still think I did the right thing. I believe children should not spend too much time in an environment with negative vibes (i.e. a peer telling him 'no' for everything, and an adult who saw him as the root cause for the problem, and a mummy being stressed & scared everytime he went near the girl).

What's worse is that I still have a phobia about this now. Whenver I observe Jiale with new playmates, I feel stressed, wondering whether it will go down the same route. (The old me would just have thought children were like that, they fight, they make up, they forget, they play.) While I am organising playdates or tagging along for other mummies' playdates, I am also in a dilemma whether I should subject Jiale to all that. Or should I just let him play alone/with Didi at home? Since we have no lack of toys at home and I am so outgoing and bring him out so often anyway.. No need to play with other kids until he (and his peers) is older?

我不知道