As everybody can see, I am still very active on FB! Haha, but less often la. The initial plan was to only go online while the boys were napping in the afternoon and after they had gone to bed at night. But I found it too difficult to not check FB in the morning, after so many hours away (sleeping mah). So, I have increased a morning check :p
But I have also decided to not use the computer or phone while Didi is awake even if Jiale is napping. So, that cuts my afternoon time aaaaaaa loooooooooooot. Can't really control what time Didi goes for his afternoon nap, cos it depends on how long he naps in the morning. I sent him to nap at 10am, but sometimes he wakes up at 11am... or 11.30am.. or like today, 12.45pm! So when Jiale went for his nap at 2pm, Didi was still wide awake till 3.45pm.
Other than that, I am surviving la. This 'limited connection' in the afternoon means that my blog is the primary victim, cos I definitely must check FB but not write my blog :p At night, usually Hubby uses the laptop and I haven't figured out how to use my iPhone to write blog, so no blog at night either. Only like today when Jiale is taking a long long nap (already 2.5 hours!), then I can come here quickly.
(I know there are apps for writing blogs, but I tried a couple and it was too chim for me. Anyway, since I like to write long long posts, it will be quite difficult to use iPhone. Computer keyboard is still the best.)
For now, I hope I can keep up the daytime disconnection!
Monday, May 14, 2012
Saturday, May 12, 2012
Sleep, Baby, Sleep
This post is dedicated to my bro SY : )
I try not to give unsolicited advice about parenting, but this is my blog and anyone can choose to read or not read, right? Anyway I am not saying everybody must do the same thing, just sharing what I read/went through and what has worked for me & my two sons.
What I believe about babies and sleep:
1) Babies need an early bedtime, around 7pm. And this should ideally start from day one. One might think, newborns sleep almost the whole day, how would they know when it is the bedtime? Hmm, I would like to tell you 'trust me, they know' but then, I only have two case studies, lol. So I can only say, I think they know. Jiahe couldn't last beyond 6.50pm until he was at least 6 months old.
How to set a bedtime? Do a simple bedtime routine. For Jiale, everything was trial and error and I definitely messed up before I did sleep training for him around 7 months old. For Jiahe, I was much more prepared - his routine was very simple - just do a wipedown and change diapers, then feed him (breastfeed in my case), then put him down in the cot. When he was very young, he usually fell asleep while feeding and continued to sleep when I put him down. Now his routine is still very simple - before he goes in for naps/bedtime, I give him a drink of water. So simple, right? Haha. (Yes I do give him water at other times of the day!)
2) Newborns should not be awake for more than two hours each time. Yes they definitely are able to stay up longer than that, especially as they grow bigger.. But they will probably end up overtired and fussy and have more difficulties falling asleep. What I did for Jiahe was, I gave him maximum of two hours between naps. The key word is 'maximum'. Anytime he showed signs of sleepiness, like rubbing his eyes, or being unreasonably cranky (crying even though he had been fed and cleaned and was not too warm/cold etc etc), it was time for a nap.
3) Ignore the baby when you feed him at night, i.e. just feed, no need to talk to him, no need to look at him. Close your eyes and feed. Just switch on a night light.
4) Babies start to need to have a proper nap routine and to nap in a proper place (e.g. their cot) when they are four months old. The good news is, you can bring your baby around in a sarong carrier or baby sling carrier etc before 4 months old - he will fall asleep anytime anywhere when he is tired. But from 4 months onwards, it's best to let him nap in a stationary place (movement affects the quality of sleep as he is more alert to his surroundings now).
Related to the abovementioned points are:
how to make the baby sleep?
breastfeeding/bottle?
feed on demand/ feed on schedule?
I think these are personal choices and there are pros & cons. So I shall just write about my own experiences.
I breastfed both boys till 10 months old and I fed on demand. I found that even though I fed on demand when they were younger, they naturally fell into a routine when they got older (5-6 months old) and I only had to feed them 2-3 hours apart. But the good thing about breastfeeding is, other than filling the tummy, it is also soothing for the baby. So, whenever I couldn't figure out why they were crying, I just breastfed and they calmed down : ) I always thought that hey, I had a brandnew baby after each breastfeeding! Haha. Some people might worry that the baby might develop bad habit of needing to breastfeed to sleep, etc. But I prefer to solve each problem as it comes. When the baby was still so small, the crying would really drive me nuts.
About sleep training: I used cry-it-out for both boys, Jiale at 7 months old and Jiahe at 5 months old. Basically, it means to put the baby in his cot when he is still awake and leave him to cry till he falls asleep. I shall blog more about this when this particular Koh baby gets older : ) How come I can tahan the crying for so long (Jiale took 50 minutes, Jiahe took 30 minutes) now? Because the baby is older and more hardy! Letting a 7-month-old cry is very different from letting a 2-month-old cry.
For my two boys, they fell asleep while breastfeeding, so it was not a problem getting them to sleep when they were small babies. Thus, it was relatively easy to set an early bedtime and to have frequent naps (less than 2 hours interval). (It was when they got older and became more alert and more aware of their surroundings that they would still be wide awake after I fed them, and I had to make them sleep.) Anyway, early bedtime or not, the baby gotta go down for the night sooner or later, and why not sooner? Sleep begets more sleep - the more babies sleep, the more they will sleep! Means more time for their brains to grow, and more time for the parents to rest!
I try not to give unsolicited advice about parenting, but this is my blog and anyone can choose to read or not read, right? Anyway I am not saying everybody must do the same thing, just sharing what I read/went through and what has worked for me & my two sons.
What I believe about babies and sleep:
1) Babies need an early bedtime, around 7pm. And this should ideally start from day one. One might think, newborns sleep almost the whole day, how would they know when it is the bedtime? Hmm, I would like to tell you 'trust me, they know' but then, I only have two case studies, lol. So I can only say, I think they know. Jiahe couldn't last beyond 6.50pm until he was at least 6 months old.
How to set a bedtime? Do a simple bedtime routine. For Jiale, everything was trial and error and I definitely messed up before I did sleep training for him around 7 months old. For Jiahe, I was much more prepared - his routine was very simple - just do a wipedown and change diapers, then feed him (breastfeed in my case), then put him down in the cot. When he was very young, he usually fell asleep while feeding and continued to sleep when I put him down. Now his routine is still very simple - before he goes in for naps/bedtime, I give him a drink of water. So simple, right? Haha. (Yes I do give him water at other times of the day!)
2) Newborns should not be awake for more than two hours each time. Yes they definitely are able to stay up longer than that, especially as they grow bigger.. But they will probably end up overtired and fussy and have more difficulties falling asleep. What I did for Jiahe was, I gave him maximum of two hours between naps. The key word is 'maximum'. Anytime he showed signs of sleepiness, like rubbing his eyes, or being unreasonably cranky (crying even though he had been fed and cleaned and was not too warm/cold etc etc), it was time for a nap.
3) Ignore the baby when you feed him at night, i.e. just feed, no need to talk to him, no need to look at him. Close your eyes and feed. Just switch on a night light.
4) Babies start to need to have a proper nap routine and to nap in a proper place (e.g. their cot) when they are four months old. The good news is, you can bring your baby around in a sarong carrier or baby sling carrier etc before 4 months old - he will fall asleep anytime anywhere when he is tired. But from 4 months onwards, it's best to let him nap in a stationary place (movement affects the quality of sleep as he is more alert to his surroundings now).
Related to the abovementioned points are:
how to make the baby sleep?
breastfeeding/bottle?
feed on demand/ feed on schedule?
I think these are personal choices and there are pros & cons. So I shall just write about my own experiences.
I breastfed both boys till 10 months old and I fed on demand. I found that even though I fed on demand when they were younger, they naturally fell into a routine when they got older (5-6 months old) and I only had to feed them 2-3 hours apart. But the good thing about breastfeeding is, other than filling the tummy, it is also soothing for the baby. So, whenever I couldn't figure out why they were crying, I just breastfed and they calmed down : ) I always thought that hey, I had a brandnew baby after each breastfeeding! Haha. Some people might worry that the baby might develop bad habit of needing to breastfeed to sleep, etc. But I prefer to solve each problem as it comes. When the baby was still so small, the crying would really drive me nuts.
About sleep training: I used cry-it-out for both boys, Jiale at 7 months old and Jiahe at 5 months old. Basically, it means to put the baby in his cot when he is still awake and leave him to cry till he falls asleep. I shall blog more about this when this particular Koh baby gets older : ) How come I can tahan the crying for so long (Jiale took 50 minutes, Jiahe took 30 minutes) now? Because the baby is older and more hardy! Letting a 7-month-old cry is very different from letting a 2-month-old cry.
For my two boys, they fell asleep while breastfeeding, so it was not a problem getting them to sleep when they were small babies. Thus, it was relatively easy to set an early bedtime and to have frequent naps (less than 2 hours interval). (It was when they got older and became more alert and more aware of their surroundings that they would still be wide awake after I fed them, and I had to make them sleep.) Anyway, early bedtime or not, the baby gotta go down for the night sooner or later, and why not sooner? Sleep begets more sleep - the more babies sleep, the more they will sleep! Means more time for their brains to grow, and more time for the parents to rest!
Thursday, May 10, 2012
A Clean House Is A Dirtier House
Very bo liao to be writing this in the middle of the night. But I really wanna grumble about this! The physics that lead to this situation is really mind-boggling!
In the past, I hardly did any vacuuming or mopping and left it to the part-time cleaner instead (she comes once a week). And I felt that, yep the house was a bit dusty lah.
After a certain comment by Hubby a few weeks ago, I started to vacuum every morning and to mop the house every night. Gotta separate the two cos it would be futile to mop the house in the morning when the two boys would just destroy it again the next moment, and it's too loud to vacuum after the boys are in bed.
But but but.. the house seems to be dirtier nowadays! How could that possibly be..?? It should be at least 3x cleaner than before mah! *sulk*
Possible reasons:
The floor detergent attracts dust & dirt. It's a ploy by the manufacturers to make the floor dirty again fast fast so that we have to use more detergent to mop.. then it gets dirty again.. then we mop.. and the vicious cycle continues.
Dust & dirt are more noticeable when it's a thin layer. As it accumulates, the properties change and we can no longer feel it so obviously.
Or maybe, having put in more effort to clean the house, I have become more sensitive to anything that ruins my efforts.
I think the first reason is the most likely. *sulk some more*
In the past, I hardly did any vacuuming or mopping and left it to the part-time cleaner instead (she comes once a week). And I felt that, yep the house was a bit dusty lah.
After a certain comment by Hubby a few weeks ago, I started to vacuum every morning and to mop the house every night. Gotta separate the two cos it would be futile to mop the house in the morning when the two boys would just destroy it again the next moment, and it's too loud to vacuum after the boys are in bed.
But but but.. the house seems to be dirtier nowadays! How could that possibly be..?? It should be at least 3x cleaner than before mah! *sulk*
Possible reasons:
The floor detergent attracts dust & dirt. It's a ploy by the manufacturers to make the floor dirty again fast fast so that we have to use more detergent to mop.. then it gets dirty again.. then we mop.. and the vicious cycle continues.
Dust & dirt are more noticeable when it's a thin layer. As it accumulates, the properties change and we can no longer feel it so obviously.
Or maybe, having put in more effort to clean the house, I have become more sensitive to anything that ruins my efforts.
I think the first reason is the most likely. *sulk some more*
Homelearning, Let's Go!
'Mummy, let's go!' is probably one of Jiale's most-often used phrase, haha. OK, not really relevant :p
Not long ago, I was quite lost about how to do learning activities with him. Though I want to prioritize and focus on fun activities, I also hope to do some learning with him if possible. Best is if we have time to do everything! Haha! *dreaming*
Seeing all the interesting stuff other mummies were doing with their kids, I wondered how how how to go about it.. until the answer revealed itself to me recently! As with most good things, it came totally unexpected : )
One morning, I saw Jiale standing at the window pointing to the rising sun and talking to himself.
-- mummy fasterly gathered the books about sun that we had at home.
Another day while we were browsing at the library, I saw a book on lighthouses and thought it would be a good idea to go through the book with Jiale as we are now learning Letterland phonics and 'L' is represented by Lucy Lamp Light who lives in a lighthouse.
-- again, gathered the other books about lighthouse that we had at home. Surprisingly, Jiale was very willing to sit through the impromptu session : )
Outside one afternoon when Jiale took a sudden interest in the clouds. He kept looking up at the sky and point point point, going 'wow wow wow'.
-- haven't done anything about this yet, but I shall do it soon!
(This is why I think it's good to have a set of encyclopaedia at home! But of course, if you don't mind letting your child use the computer, Youtube and other Internet sources are very good resources too.)
At the moment, I am inclined toward using such learning opportunities to impart general knowledge and science facts. I feel quite unmotivated to use our favorite books etc to teach numbers/alphabet etc... shall see how lah, maybe one day there will be an eureka moment for that too.
Jiale is also going through a 'learning explosion' recently. He is very keen on all things related to the alphabet and numbers, and for almost everything he comes across, he reads out the letters, e.g. while drinking Milo, he goes 'M.. I.. L.. O', without any prompting. And of course, he reads out the letters of the names of all his precious trains.
When he lines up his trains (very often), he 'counts' them too. Or rather, I think he's imitating us when we count.. he points at each train and goes '1.. 2.. 3.. 5.. 9..' Yes he skips numbers so he doesn't get the correct quantity, but that's ok lah : )
Even when he scribbles or 'draws', he looks at his masterpiece afterwards and points out all the 'letters' or 'numerals' that he finds. Of course he isn't writing lah, just anyhow scribbling and somehow by luck gets something that looks like a letter or numeral. If he's really writing... no such illusion :P
And my favorite:
Got him some Geomag (one-inch magnetic rods) recently, and there happened to be five of the rods lying around on the dining table. Suddenly he showed us a 'L' and told us 'L'! Then Hubby and I helped him to make / made for him the other letters.. so fun!
I have been waiting so long for Jiale to show me he is learning from all the non-learning stuff we do at home.. And yes, he has shown me that Wait long enough, and good things will come : )
Not long ago, I was quite lost about how to do learning activities with him. Though I want to prioritize and focus on fun activities, I also hope to do some learning with him if possible. Best is if we have time to do everything! Haha! *dreaming*
Seeing all the interesting stuff other mummies were doing with their kids, I wondered how how how to go about it.. until the answer revealed itself to me recently! As with most good things, it came totally unexpected : )
One morning, I saw Jiale standing at the window pointing to the rising sun and talking to himself.
-- mummy fasterly gathered the books about sun that we had at home.
Another day while we were browsing at the library, I saw a book on lighthouses and thought it would be a good idea to go through the book with Jiale as we are now learning Letterland phonics and 'L' is represented by Lucy Lamp Light who lives in a lighthouse.
-- again, gathered the other books about lighthouse that we had at home. Surprisingly, Jiale was very willing to sit through the impromptu session : )
Outside one afternoon when Jiale took a sudden interest in the clouds. He kept looking up at the sky and point point point, going 'wow wow wow'.
-- haven't done anything about this yet, but I shall do it soon!
(This is why I think it's good to have a set of encyclopaedia at home! But of course, if you don't mind letting your child use the computer, Youtube and other Internet sources are very good resources too.)
At the moment, I am inclined toward using such learning opportunities to impart general knowledge and science facts. I feel quite unmotivated to use our favorite books etc to teach numbers/alphabet etc... shall see how lah, maybe one day there will be an eureka moment for that too.
Jiale is also going through a 'learning explosion' recently. He is very keen on all things related to the alphabet and numbers, and for almost everything he comes across, he reads out the letters, e.g. while drinking Milo, he goes 'M.. I.. L.. O', without any prompting. And of course, he reads out the letters of the names of all his precious trains.
When he lines up his trains (very often), he 'counts' them too. Or rather, I think he's imitating us when we count.. he points at each train and goes '1.. 2.. 3.. 5.. 9..' Yes he skips numbers so he doesn't get the correct quantity, but that's ok lah : )
Even when he scribbles or 'draws', he looks at his masterpiece afterwards and points out all the 'letters' or 'numerals' that he finds. Of course he isn't writing lah, just anyhow scribbling and somehow by luck gets something that looks like a letter or numeral. If he's really writing... no such illusion :P
And my favorite:
Got him some Geomag (one-inch magnetic rods) recently, and there happened to be five of the rods lying around on the dining table. Suddenly he showed us a 'L' and told us 'L'! Then Hubby and I helped him to make / made for him the other letters.. so fun!
I have been waiting so long for Jiale to show me he is learning from all the non-learning stuff we do at home.. And yes, he has shown me that Wait long enough, and good things will come : )
Auntie, Be Gone!
I know, I know, I just wrote a post about the same topic not long ago. But another blogger-mummy's post about this 'inspired' me again :P
Why are there so many aunties around us? Perhaps not among our friends yet.. since we are still in our 30s.. But there are so many aunties on the streets! Just look around you now! All these women were young once, and probably slimmer and prettier.. what happened to them? Will the same thing happen to us?
Is it just metabolism? Or age? Hmm, if I did not become a mother, I am quite certain I would be able to remain slim and ok-pretty for many many more years.. Do pregnancy & childbirth change our body so much? It's not just about going back to its former glory.. It's no longer being able to eat & eat and not put on a single ounce.. It's the hips are wider and no amount of dieting/exercise can 'narrow' the hips.. It's the abuse that breastfeeding exerts on the sisterly assets..
I have said this before, and I shall say it again - NEVER become a mother unless you really want to!
Is it vain for a woman to take care of her looks? Is it a waste of money to buy nice clothes and good skincare products? Is it a waste of time to go for facials?
It's not just about whether the hubby minds the wife looking haggard. Many guys reading this would probably say they would love their wife no matter how she looks. Many would say they are not superficial and it's not just about the looks. I agree, so many good men among my friends, I am sure they will not have affairs or love their wife less just because she does not look as good as before. BUT think of it another way - how does your wife feel? Now, the good men might say, 'hey my wife is a good woman, not a vainpot like you ZZ, she won't be upset about how she looks!' OK OK, congratulations to you! You can stop reading now!
Back to what I was saying. These are all 'extra' and not-essential things. But, won't the wife smile from the heart when the hubby insists she go for a facial while he looks after the kid(s)? Won't she feel pampered when he offers to pay for a luxury skincare item for her? Won't she be pleased when he tells her he doesn't mind waiting for her while she pops into the salon for a mani/pedi?
Won't a happy wife be more loving and more lovey-dovey toward the hubby?
I know I sure felt very happy when my hubby said he would pay for new clothes for me! :D
(take a rain-check on that first. No point buying new clothes when the body wearing them is not up to standards yet :p)
How to implement a proper self-care regime though? I have been diligently applying body moisturiser and taking my anti-oxidant nightly. Seriously, self-care is hard work. A facial once a month is reasonable I think, but on top of the other weekend engagements we have (meeting up with friends, bringing the boys out to play, visiting family, couple time), it's not easy to squeeze in two hours for the facial. I shall work on it though, and NOT feel any guilt about leaving Hubby with the two boys!
Hurray for self-care!
*no guilt* *no guilt* *no guilt* *no guilt* *no guilt* *no guilt* *no guilt* *no guilt* *no guilt*
*I deserve it* *I deserve it* *I deserve it* *I deserve it* *I deserve it* *I deserve it* *I deserve it*
Why are there so many aunties around us? Perhaps not among our friends yet.. since we are still in our 30s.. But there are so many aunties on the streets! Just look around you now! All these women were young once, and probably slimmer and prettier.. what happened to them? Will the same thing happen to us?
Is it just metabolism? Or age? Hmm, if I did not become a mother, I am quite certain I would be able to remain slim and ok-pretty for many many more years.. Do pregnancy & childbirth change our body so much? It's not just about going back to its former glory.. It's no longer being able to eat & eat and not put on a single ounce.. It's the hips are wider and no amount of dieting/exercise can 'narrow' the hips.. It's the abuse that breastfeeding exerts on the sisterly assets..
I have said this before, and I shall say it again - NEVER become a mother unless you really want to!
Is it vain for a woman to take care of her looks? Is it a waste of money to buy nice clothes and good skincare products? Is it a waste of time to go for facials?
It's not just about whether the hubby minds the wife looking haggard. Many guys reading this would probably say they would love their wife no matter how she looks. Many would say they are not superficial and it's not just about the looks. I agree, so many good men among my friends, I am sure they will not have affairs or love their wife less just because she does not look as good as before. BUT think of it another way - how does your wife feel? Now, the good men might say, 'hey my wife is a good woman, not a vainpot like you ZZ, she won't be upset about how she looks!' OK OK, congratulations to you! You can stop reading now!
Back to what I was saying. These are all 'extra' and not-essential things. But, won't the wife smile from the heart when the hubby insists she go for a facial while he looks after the kid(s)? Won't she feel pampered when he offers to pay for a luxury skincare item for her? Won't she be pleased when he tells her he doesn't mind waiting for her while she pops into the salon for a mani/pedi?
Won't a happy wife be more loving and more lovey-dovey toward the hubby?
I know I sure felt very happy when my hubby said he would pay for new clothes for me! :D
(take a rain-check on that first. No point buying new clothes when the body wearing them is not up to standards yet :p)
How to implement a proper self-care regime though? I have been diligently applying body moisturiser and taking my anti-oxidant nightly. Seriously, self-care is hard work. A facial once a month is reasonable I think, but on top of the other weekend engagements we have (meeting up with friends, bringing the boys out to play, visiting family, couple time), it's not easy to squeeze in two hours for the facial. I shall work on it though, and NOT feel any guilt about leaving Hubby with the two boys!
Hurray for self-care!
*no guilt* *no guilt* *no guilt* *no guilt* *no guilt* *no guilt* *no guilt* *no guilt* *no guilt*
*I deserve it* *I deserve it* *I deserve it* *I deserve it* *I deserve it* *I deserve it* *I deserve it*
Wednesday, May 9, 2012
Benign Neglect
Often I get quite defensive when other people, especially Hubby, comment negatively about the boys. But when he said I had not been 'grooming' Didi, I had to agree... Grooming in the sense of teaching him, playing with him, or even talking to him. It's a vast contrast compared to when Jiale was young.. I seldom even did any housework when Jiale was awake, preferring to spend all my time playing with him. Now, I am often cooking or cleaning up messes or playing with Jiale while Didi plays by himself. Even for my afternoon 'free' time, it starts as soon as Jiale goes into his room for his nap, i.e. sometimes Didi is still awake & playing. And instead of spending one-to-one time with him, I choose to eat my lunch first and then start to use the computer.. while Didi is still playing by himself!
This is really very terrible. If I were only neglecting Didi when Jiale was around, I might still be able to justify it (to myself). I am ashamed to say that I look forward to my me-time, usually 1.5 to 2 hours, and I can't bear to give it up.. not even part of it.. not even for Didi...
Saw this term 'benign neglect' in the book I am reading now - 'You are Your Child's First Teacher' by Rahima Baldwin Dancy. The author is a Steiner/Waldorf early childhood educator, and I got the book as I am interested in learning more about Waldorf (sorta similar to RIE).
'But the 'benign neglect' and the interaction with siblings that a younger child receives are beneficial compared to the over-indulgence and propulsion into adult activity that first and only children tend to receive. As parents, we need always to keep our toddlers in our psychic awareness, but we don't always need to be interacting with them. Raising a child who can play alone, who is self-motivating and not always needing adult input is a real blessing.'
Haha, this did make me feel less guilty! (See, I told you people tended to read things that further supported whatever they already believed :P)
OK, but seriously, I know I gotta spend more time with Didi lah. Shall ponder on it. But at the same time, Didi benefits so much from being a second child, that I really wonder what on earth is wrong with being the second child..! See huh, he gets to do so much sensory play.. which Kor Kor hardly got to do at all at the same age! Secondly, Didi has a good routine going - proper naps, outdoor play almost daily (other than these two weeks of mummy being extremely unmotivated) - no pressure to walk/perform any other physical stunt, never being forced to eat, no tantrums from mummy.. all because Kor Kor has been the guinea pig for mummy's learning!
Jiale used to have bouts of 'dieting' when he hardly ate anything at all, and I felt quite worried even though the books say it is normal. Now, I see that he still grew well despite his 'dieting', so I am never worried when Didi refuses to eat. And while I used to lose my temper at Jiale when he was naughty, I am much more patient with Didi, having been well-trained by Jiale - tantrums don't work on babies! Guilt from all the wrong things I did with/toward Jiale (such as spanking) also motivates me to change and improve my parenting methods towards Didi.
But hor, there are some not-so-good things which I do not feel any guilt about.. such as bringing Didi shopping while he just sits in his stroller (when Jiale is in school).. Used to feel mightily guilty about bringing Jiale around for my errands, but not this time.. Because I know that very soon, Didi will not quietly sit there anymore! So I shall make hay while the sun shines!
This is really very terrible. If I were only neglecting Didi when Jiale was around, I might still be able to justify it (to myself). I am ashamed to say that I look forward to my me-time, usually 1.5 to 2 hours, and I can't bear to give it up.. not even part of it.. not even for Didi...
Saw this term 'benign neglect' in the book I am reading now - 'You are Your Child's First Teacher' by Rahima Baldwin Dancy. The author is a Steiner/Waldorf early childhood educator, and I got the book as I am interested in learning more about Waldorf (sorta similar to RIE).
'But the 'benign neglect' and the interaction with siblings that a younger child receives are beneficial compared to the over-indulgence and propulsion into adult activity that first and only children tend to receive. As parents, we need always to keep our toddlers in our psychic awareness, but we don't always need to be interacting with them. Raising a child who can play alone, who is self-motivating and not always needing adult input is a real blessing.'
Haha, this did make me feel less guilty! (See, I told you people tended to read things that further supported whatever they already believed :P)
OK, but seriously, I know I gotta spend more time with Didi lah. Shall ponder on it. But at the same time, Didi benefits so much from being a second child, that I really wonder what on earth is wrong with being the second child..! See huh, he gets to do so much sensory play.. which Kor Kor hardly got to do at all at the same age! Secondly, Didi has a good routine going - proper naps, outdoor play almost daily (other than these two weeks of mummy being extremely unmotivated) - no pressure to walk/perform any other physical stunt, never being forced to eat, no tantrums from mummy.. all because Kor Kor has been the guinea pig for mummy's learning!
Jiale used to have bouts of 'dieting' when he hardly ate anything at all, and I felt quite worried even though the books say it is normal. Now, I see that he still grew well despite his 'dieting', so I am never worried when Didi refuses to eat. And while I used to lose my temper at Jiale when he was naughty, I am much more patient with Didi, having been well-trained by Jiale - tantrums don't work on babies! Guilt from all the wrong things I did with/toward Jiale (such as spanking) also motivates me to change and improve my parenting methods towards Didi.
But hor, there are some not-so-good things which I do not feel any guilt about.. such as bringing Didi shopping while he just sits in his stroller (when Jiale is in school).. Used to feel mightily guilty about bringing Jiale around for my errands, but not this time.. Because I know that very soon, Didi will not quietly sit there anymore! So I shall make hay while the sun shines!
Time Out, Again
It has been more than a month since my last post on time out. How has it been working for the past few weeks?
I think it is working very well indeed! For example, Jiale was given time out a few times yesterday, for hitting & kicking Didi and me. (Yes, he still does that sometimes, but the effectiveness of time out in eliminating undesirable behaviors is another discussion.)
He kicks Didi, because Didi takes his toy. (and yes, Didi can be very naughty too)
Mummy asks him to go to his room for time out. Before closing the door, I tell him, "Mummy said cannot kick Didi. So you have to go to time out. You can come out only when I say so."
He might or might not be crying at this point. But 99% of the time, he stops once I close the door. All quiet inside.
After 2-3 minutes (the standard is 2 minutes since he is 2 years old. I add one minute if he refuses to go in by himself), I call out, "OK you can come out now."
He opens the door and comes out, usually smiley and friendly : )
(At the beginning, he was usually not smiling though he was not unfriendly or grouchy either... more of just apprehensive 'what is mummy going to do when I come out..?' But I guess now he knows I won't scold him after time out.)
Mummy does not have a chance to lose temper or to scold him things which I would probably regret afterwards, and the two minutes is sufficient for me to calm down too. When he comes out, I welcome him with a smile and open arms. (The book says not supposed to mention the naughty thing he did after he has served the time out, so I don't.)
Most importantly, he does not try to take back his toy from Didi! Usually he goes to Didi with the same toy (or another toy if Didi is still playing with the original toy) and gives it to Didi with a hug! So I guess he sorts out his thoughts while alone in the room : )
We carry on with whatever we are doing, instead of wasting time scolding/nagging/sulking, and harmony is restored. Less negative vibes too : )
OK, the boys are still napping. So, about the effectiveness of time out to stop undesirable behaviors for good - I believe this will take a longer time, and at Jiale's age I do not expect him to be perfect or angelic. Slowly, slowly : ) For now, I am happy enough that I have a solution which reduces the amount of scolding & nagging I do.
I think it is working very well indeed! For example, Jiale was given time out a few times yesterday, for hitting & kicking Didi and me. (Yes, he still does that sometimes, but the effectiveness of time out in eliminating undesirable behaviors is another discussion.)
He kicks Didi, because Didi takes his toy. (and yes, Didi can be very naughty too)
Mummy asks him to go to his room for time out. Before closing the door, I tell him, "Mummy said cannot kick Didi. So you have to go to time out. You can come out only when I say so."
He might or might not be crying at this point. But 99% of the time, he stops once I close the door. All quiet inside.
After 2-3 minutes (the standard is 2 minutes since he is 2 years old. I add one minute if he refuses to go in by himself), I call out, "OK you can come out now."
He opens the door and comes out, usually smiley and friendly : )
(At the beginning, he was usually not smiling though he was not unfriendly or grouchy either... more of just apprehensive 'what is mummy going to do when I come out..?' But I guess now he knows I won't scold him after time out.)
Mummy does not have a chance to lose temper or to scold him things which I would probably regret afterwards, and the two minutes is sufficient for me to calm down too. When he comes out, I welcome him with a smile and open arms. (The book says not supposed to mention the naughty thing he did after he has served the time out, so I don't.)
Most importantly, he does not try to take back his toy from Didi! Usually he goes to Didi with the same toy (or another toy if Didi is still playing with the original toy) and gives it to Didi with a hug! So I guess he sorts out his thoughts while alone in the room : )
We carry on with whatever we are doing, instead of wasting time scolding/nagging/sulking, and harmony is restored. Less negative vibes too : )
OK, the boys are still napping. So, about the effectiveness of time out to stop undesirable behaviors for good - I believe this will take a longer time, and at Jiale's age I do not expect him to be perfect or angelic. Slowly, slowly : ) For now, I am happy enough that I have a solution which reduces the amount of scolding & nagging I do.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)