Why My Kids MUST Sleep Early

Main reason: they wake up around 7am no matter what time they go to bed the previous night.

To me, there are three main types of bedtimes for children (around Jiale & Jiahe's ages): 1) Early - 7pm+ (or earlier!) to 8pm; 2) Still-ok-early-not-too-late - 8.30pm to before 10pm; 3) Late/very late - after 10pm.

I am ok with them sleeping at 9pm+, even if it's every night, if not for them waking up so early the next morning. Even though there are cons such as me having to work till later, there are significant pros like the convenience of going out for dinner/other family activities (as it is, we never go out in the afternoon/evening, only in the morning, except to the grandparents'), the kids spending more time with daddy after he comes back from work (but it also means less time for daddy to rest after a long day at work), etc. BUT but but, since the boys stubbornly wake up early (usually before 7am), a 9.30pm means TWO whole hours less sleep every night...!! No no noooooooo..! I strongly believe that sleep is the most important contribution to a young child's growth.. no need to do learning aids or learning activities - I believe the child can and will still find ways to learn at a very fast speed... no need to prepare special or nice food for him - I believe he will eat when he is hungry or wants to eat.. But the parent must be in charge of sleeping habits, because a child can stay awake till very late and is likely to want to stay up even if he's tired.

If they go to bed very late at around 11pm, perhaps they might wake up later in the morning. I have no idea cos it has happened less than.. urmm.. 5 times since Jiale was born..? Once was at my brother's wedding dinner.. and the Chinese New Year reunion dinners (in bed by 11pm).. But I think it's way too late for a young child if that is the regular bedtime.

Since Jiale stopped napping willingly/easily recently, the boys' bedtimes have become earlier at 7.30pm. Not that Jiale die die will not nap, but after coercion and threats and scoldings etc, he will probably only fall asleep at maybe 4pm+..? That might work for him.. but poor Didi will also be wanting to play with Kor Kor as they sleep in the same room, and a 4pm naptime is way too late for a 21-month-old who wakes up at 6am+. Then they wake up around 6pm... and end up going to bed around 9pm... which brings us back to their early wakings in the morning.. the amount of naptime remains the same for Didi, but his night sleep has been shortened..!

Total amount of sleep does not differ much for Jiale - he goes to bed later at night but it is made up for by his afternoon nap. But it means a lot of unpleasantness for him and me every afternoon - scoldings and tears and anger etc : (

Alternative: let the boys sleep in separate bedrooms. We have three bedrooms but one is reserved for the coming baby. I don't like the idea of co-sleeping or sharing our room with the kids but I have considered letting Jiale take his afternoon nap in the master bedroom. That will take Didi out of the problem. But still have to scold Jiale to make him sleep : ( Unless I lie down with him - less scoldings.. but this arrangement will fall apart very soon.. Once Meimei arrives, I will be on call 24/7 to attend to her.. Given that Jiale will take at least 30 minutes to fall asleep (since he's being forced to nap and not really tired in the afternoon), it is very likely that I will be activated by Meimei.. end up Kor Kor still not napping and I waste the time lying there waiting for him to sleep.

Anyway it's not that I don't LET him nap. I ask him umpteen times every afternoon whether he's tired and wanna nap. I remind him a zillion times that if he's tired, he can nap in my room or on the sofa anytime. But I do not try to MAKE him nap.

I am actually very satisfied with the current arrangements. I do not know whether it's related to him dropping his afternoon nap, but I see that he has been more lovey-dovey toward me and more loving toward Didi and more well-behaved in general since around the time I stop forcing him to nap. Might be just a coincidence.. or maybe it's because he has more alone time with me now.. and less scoldings from me to force him to nap.. and more time for him to be alone to play, to think, to be quiet. It also gives me time to do certain learning activities with him which are too dangerous/difficult to do together with Didi.

The 7.30pm bedtime works great for Didi too. Even though he usually takes a 2-hour nap and wakes up at 3pm+, he is usually behaving in a 'drunk' manner by 6pm. (I am very lucky that Didi doesn't get cranky when he's tired - he just goes nutty and cute-drunk, haha. I was once very worried that he was intoxicated by the cooking wine I used for their dinner.. but I realised he behaves that way even when I don't use any cooking wine that day, lol.) And since the kids are in bed so early, I am happy too! Daddy is happy too - though he doesn't get to spend much time (if any) with the kids after work, urmm he's not the bleeding-heart type of daddy la... no great desire to play with them every night :p

Speaking of Didi.. I asked the PD whether being tired is related to having fits.. and the PD said yes it's related.. cos I noticed that both times that Didi had the fit, he woke up very early (5am+) that morning. So now I get very nervous when Didi doesn't get enough sleep. As a matter of principle, I don't like to carry the boys now that they are so big. Furthermore, because of my pregnancy, it's dangerous to carry them too. But now, especially after the second fit, I often carry Didi if I see any/a litte sign of him being tired even though he rarely asks me to carry him anymore. I am scccccaared : ( Luckily I am already in the last leg of my pregnancy and Meimei won't be too small even if I pop now.

The only problem now is when we visit the grandparents during weekends. By the time we leave after dinner, it's usually 8pm+ at the earlier, which means the boys only get to be in bed around 10pm, after their milk and bath. Plus it's more difficult to get Jiale to go for his bath since he's tired and cranky by then. (Unlike Didi, Jiale goes crazy-cranky when he's tired.) And he's super tired, cos he would have been awake since 6am+ that morning with no nap. At the grandparents', we also keep asking him whether he wants to nap, and the answer is usually no. I guess I can force him to nap, but I don't think it's fair to him since napping or being forced to nap is no longer part of his daily routine.

Really felt so terrible and so guilty and so apologetic towards Jiale last night, seeing him so exhausted after coming back from the grandparents. He only went to bed at 10.10pm : ( I have thought about it and decided that the parent(s) have to do something about it and not just keep letting the same thing happen. I shall think hard about what to do.

Change in Routine

Didi's naptime was usually 11.30am, and Jiale's was 12.30pm. But Jiale often woke Didi up with his LOUD whining and crying when it was time for him to go in to his room, so I decided I had to do something about it.

Thus, from today onwards, the boys shall go in for their nap at the same time, at 12nn. Jiale stops crying by the time he's on his bed (it's the getting him away from whatever he is doing that is difficult, he is ok to sleep on his own), so Didi will be still awake (alone in his bedroom) during Jiale's whining.

The good thing is, we have a longer morning together, so we are able to do more things. Since morning is our usual time for sensory/messy play, that means more play! (and also more time for me to clean up, thankfully). This morning, we had fun playing with big bubble wrap and paint. I also read many more books than usual to the boys. Jiale has always had the habit of asking me or Daddy to read to him, while Didi used to be totally not interested in books, he now follows Kor Kor and also brings books for me to read to him : ) And who says sibling rivalry is not good - the boys keep asking for more and more books in an attempt to 'out-read' each other! (They take turns to choose the book for me to read.)

The bad thing is, Didi now has to watch the Letterland CD-ROM together with Jiale. Jiale is allowed to watch two letters a day, IF he remembers to ask for it :P However I would prefer Didi not to start so early, as I am worried he might learn his alphabet ONLY based on the Letterland characters, and not recognize the normal plain alphabet. Not so concerned about the electronic usage here, as it takes no more than ten minutes. Well, as you can see, Didi was very engrossed! His eyes so big right? They got even bigger as he stared at the screen! Aiyoooooo....

And hor, while I have my doubts that this is caused by bringing his naptime 30 minutes earlier, Jiale is still awake now! 1 hour 25 minutes after he goes in to bed. SIGH. I have finally been feeling well enough to bring them out these two days, but on both Sunday & Monday, my plans were fouled because Jiale woke up too late from his nap. Looks like today might also be a no-going-out day : (

But what to do, the siblings have to adjust to each other's routine lor. Sleep is still the singular most important thing to a young child in my opinion.

How to Have An Angelic Child

Sufficient sleep at the proper times.

(Yes, that's all :p)

He's Dropping His Nap???

Just when I thought everything was going so well... both boys sleeping well.. Jiale getting used to school.. mummy back on track with outdoor time.. lotsa messy/free play everyday.. bonding time.. mummy's self-imposed limitation on online time..

Then the bomb dropped.

Sigh. Life is so unpredictable with two young children. From his 2-3 hours daily nap, he has not been napping at all for the past three days. HOW did he just wake up one day and decide ok, today is the day that I shall not nap anymore?!

Actually, it's not so much about him not sleeping in the afternoon.. He still obediently remains in his room for a good 1-2 hours and so I still have my rest time (albeit not totally relaxed cos I never know when he will walk out for a 'visit'). I am more worried about:

Him not getting enough sleep
I believe sleep is the MOST important thing for a young child and that he needs to have a daily nap as long as he is not 3 years old yet. Better if he can have a nap until he is much older. I do realise there are some children who will drop the nap earlier, as children have different timelines. But I just feel it's so unjustified.. I have been so protective of his naptimes.. scheduling the family's activities around the boys' naptimes and ending up everybody rush here rush there especially during weekends. Sigh.

Routine all messed up
Since he is still in his room for quiet time during the afternoon, and he has to go to bed earlier in the evening, it means I have less time with him! And guess what, just a few days ago, I thought why not do an extra activity with Jiale after Didi goes to bed at 7.45pm? We have 45 minutes before his bedtime anyway! And I decided to use sticker activity books cos he likes stickers and it's quite fun and can learn things and he can't write yet. So I went through the (many) sticker books on his shelves and selected one. It has been untouched since then! Cos the very next day he stopped napping! I didn't even tell him my plan!

Urmm, actually I not only went through his shelves.. I also went through the (many) BPs and ordered (many) more sticker activity books!! FAINTZ! I thought we would finish them quite fast if we were to do this every night..

Playground time and other forms of going out have also been affected. Used to go out after their naps, usually around 4pm. If we were not meeting Daddy for dinner outside (usually one weekday a week), we would reach home around 6.30pm for dinner and baths. Now, Jiale has to be in bed by 7.30pm latest (just now he was rubbing his eyes at 6.50pm).. Means they drink their bedtime milk at 5.30pm, bathe at 6pm, dinner after that, then it's bedtime for Jiale. Where got time to go out???! Didi gets to stay up later till 7.30pm cos he is still napping well (thanks goodness!!). So strange right, the older one has an earlier bedtime : /

Don't know how to read bedtime stories to Jiale anymore. For the first two nights, I refused to read cos I was angry and upset and tired and told him 'kids who don't nap, everything also cannot, everything also don't have. Mummy won't play with you, mummy won't read to you. Nothing.' Today I have turned over a new leaf and tried hard to be a nice mummy. So, after dinner, I told him I would read books before he went to bed.

BUT. Because Didi was still awake, he wanted to join us but he was not interested in books. So he was climbing up and down the sofa... Of course Jiale decided that it was more fun playing with Didi than listening to mummy read! He told me 'no books' : (

After Jiale went to bed, I tried reading to Didi. Put him on my lap.. but he just snatched the book away and tried to escape! Like that how I read..??!!

We might have our plans, but the children have their own plans : /

Sleep, Baby, Sleep

This post is dedicated to my bro SY : )

I try not to give unsolicited advice about parenting, but this is my blog and anyone can choose to read or not read, right? Anyway I am not saying everybody must do the same thing, just sharing what I read/went through and what has worked for me & my two sons.

What I believe about babies and sleep:

1) Babies need an early bedtime, around 7pm. And this should ideally start from day one. One might think, newborns sleep almost the whole day, how would they know when it is the bedtime? Hmm, I would like to tell you 'trust me, they know' but then, I only have two case studies, lol. So I can only say, I think they know. Jiahe couldn't last beyond 6.50pm until he was at least 6 months old.

 How to set a bedtime? Do a simple bedtime routine. For Jiale, everything was trial and error and I definitely messed up before I did sleep training for him around 7 months old. For Jiahe, I was much more prepared - his routine was very simple - just do a wipedown and change diapers, then feed him (breastfeed in my case), then put him down in the cot. When he was very young, he usually fell asleep while feeding and continued to sleep when I put him down. Now his routine is still very simple - before he goes in for naps/bedtime, I give him a drink of water. So simple, right? Haha. (Yes I do give him water at other times of the day!)

2) Newborns should not be awake for more than two hours each time. Yes they definitely are able to stay up longer than that, especially as they grow bigger.. But they will probably end up overtired and fussy and have more difficulties falling asleep. What I did for Jiahe was, I gave him maximum of two hours between naps. The key word is 'maximum'. Anytime he showed signs of sleepiness, like rubbing his eyes, or being unreasonably cranky (crying even though he had been fed and cleaned and was not too warm/cold etc etc), it was time for a nap. 

3) Ignore the baby when you feed him at night, i.e. just feed, no need to talk to him, no need to look at him. Close your eyes and feed. Just switch on a night light.

4) Babies start to need to have a proper nap routine and to nap in a proper place (e.g. their cot) when they are four months old. The good news is, you can bring your baby around in a sarong carrier or baby sling carrier etc before 4 months old - he will fall asleep anytime anywhere when he is tired. But from 4 months onwards, it's best to let him nap in a stationary place (movement affects the quality of sleep as he is more alert to his surroundings now).

Related to the abovementioned points are:
how to make the baby sleep?
breastfeeding/bottle?
feed on demand/ feed on schedule?

I think these are personal choices and there are pros & cons. So I shall just write about my own experiences.

I breastfed both boys till 10 months old and I fed on demand. I found that even though I fed on demand when they were younger, they naturally fell into a routine when they got older (5-6 months old) and I only had to feed them 2-3 hours apart. But the good thing about breastfeeding is, other than filling the tummy, it is also soothing for the baby. So, whenever I couldn't figure out why they were crying, I just breastfed and they calmed down : ) I always thought that hey, I had a brandnew baby after each breastfeeding! Haha. Some people might worry that the baby might develop bad habit of needing to breastfeed to sleep, etc. But I prefer to solve each problem as it comes. When the baby was still so small, the crying would really drive me nuts.

About sleep training: I used cry-it-out for both boys, Jiale at 7 months old and Jiahe at 5 months old. Basically, it means to put the baby in his cot when he is still awake and leave him to cry till he falls asleep. I shall blog more about this when this particular Koh baby gets older : ) How come I can tahan the crying for so long (Jiale took 50 minutes, Jiahe took 30 minutes) now? Because the baby is older and more hardy! Letting a 7-month-old cry is very different from letting a 2-month-old cry.

For my two boys, they fell asleep while breastfeeding, so it was not a problem getting them to sleep when they were small babies. Thus, it was relatively easy to set an early bedtime and to have frequent naps (less than 2 hours interval). (It was when they got older and became more alert and more aware of their surroundings that they would still be wide awake after I fed them, and I had to make them sleep.) Anyway, early bedtime or not, the baby gotta go down for the night sooner or later, and why not sooner? Sleep begets more sleep - the more babies sleep, the more they will sleep! Means more time for their brains to grow, and more time for the parents to rest!